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TooAloof posted 12/2/2013 23:33 PM

Hello...
an unforeseen wacky event has knocked me out of my "normal" crazytown orbit, and flung me head long back into SI world...sigh... and I was doing so well :)
Truth: the only time I ever came here anymore had to do with the "investigative forum",... So much good info there, love it!
Ok, I did lurk, and catch up w/ people's stories, but I'm not a good writer, and have a hard time harnessing my thoughts and organizing them in a semi-coherent let's not go off on a tangent intelligent stream, so I did not contribute much to the newbies... And, let's face it, I'm not that wise ...true- dat :)

Here goes:
Been divorced since 2010, living apart with new partners (both of us) since late 2008 (him) early 2009 (me).

As early as 2008, got the bawling/ sorry/,poor me, I'm finally reaping what I deserve event.
Then in 2009-2010, the reminiscing emails.
then in 2011 the drunken email midnight confessions and realizations: "It wasn't the fire dept that contributed to our breakup... it was YOU KNOW WHO in the FD... Yeah, duh (she was a medic) Really, now you're seeing it? ???
Then in 2012 and 2013 the ...Emails with the regrets, admissions of how stupid he was, wishing he could push a reset button, wishing we had spent more time together doing things as a family... bla bla bla
The true confessions that he's not happy, and he feels trapped.
Why would an ex say to the wife he cheated on, 5 years later, when he's still with the OW (living together) all these things?
is he:
A. feeling total regret and wishing he hadn't been such an asshat?
B. Unhappy and missing his wife?
C. fishing, hoping to get a little action?
D. (my go-to all around makes perfect sense to me answer): All of the above?

Any input appreciated, even the clobbers from 2X4's wondering why I still have headspace for this shit?

I asked him the other day if he saw the humor in our situation ( I'm a shitty cook and not really tidy, and my new significant other is a neat freak and gourmet cook, getting me out of 2 jobs I used to hate) hehehehe... His response: "it's funny in a tragic/comic sense'. he wasn't smiling when he said it.
I knew he'd regret it. Doesn't make one bit of difference now. He could have saved it when I still loved him. I just wish I had the mean gene to forward his lamenting emails to OW...
More on her in a bit.

TA

HurtsButImOK posted 12/3/2013 02:35 AM

it may be all the reasons you state but really it shows he hasn't changed anything. The game is the same all he did was change the players.

He is doing or trying to do to OW what he did to you. He is still broken and looking for something or someone to fill his black hole.

The real question is why do you engage? What are you getting out of the interaction? Why the contact?

Keeping contact with my x kept me in crazyville. It was not a place I wanted to call home. Im on the train to peace and love and FTG city.

Move forward, commit to your SO. Engaging with your x sounds disrespectful to him and your current relationship.

ps- its always helpful to post your story or ask questions that might be rattling around in your brain. its amazing how often posts help lurkers (me included)

TrustGone posted 12/3/2013 08:22 AM

I think the all the above is your answer. I agree that you should not engage with any personal e-mails with your ex. I know how hard that is to do and I have only recently cut off total contact with my XWH#1 who I D'd in 2004. He will never change and I no longer need the drama he wants to continue to inflict. I just want him to leave me the hell alone now and I will no longer answer his phone calls or text messages. I had to learn the hard way not to feed the drama llama. Our children are now grown and I have no reason to ever speak to him again, unless it is an emergency situation with our children. You need to take on the same attitude toward your ex, especially since you are in another relationship yourself. It does get easier with time and NC. (((HUGS)))