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rebellious teen....Help!

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hexed posted 12/3/2013 01:00 AM

SO's 13yr old daughter has been chatting with a 19 year old she met via the 'meet me' app. She snuck out of the house on Saturday night after we went to bed and went to the movies with this guy. She's been lying to him about her age.

There will be direct and significant consequences for this.

Obviously she's being rebellious and is likely to continue this behavior. She'll probably see punishment as proof that her parents are evil and trying to ruin her life.

Does anyone have any creative advice to turning around a rebellious teen?

tushnurse posted 12/3/2013 07:42 AM

Take her to a local daycare and make her volunteer in the newborn, and toddler rooms for a week. I would think that would be enough to discourage her, however, is she is that attention seeking she needs to be in therapy now. That behavior is going to get her in major trouble.

If it were my kid they would be in lock down until further notice, no door to their room, no phone, dropped off and checked into school, picked up and checked out of school, and absolutely zero contact with anyone through electronic means, computer, phone, tablet etc. If she wants to talk to a friend, fine I call her, and then put her on the phone. Like it or lump it kid, I'm doing this so you don't end up in a ditch or carved to bits in some weirdos basement.

I have a a 14 year old and she hates me and her dad both right now, but you know what, she respects us, because we demand it, and do not allow any nonesense. In a few years she will realize what we do for her, and appreciate what we have done for her.

hexed posted 12/3/2013 09:41 AM

TN -- believe me the electronic hammer has been dropped. Her phone functions only to call family now. Friends and beyond are nto an option. What she does at her Mom's house we can't control.

She's lost all privileges.

However, I'm looking for something else. Yes we're punishing but is there a positive approach we could add? Carrot and stick thinking.

She has a volatile relationship with her mother (my SO's XWW). The IC said last week that she was concerned for her living with her mom and recommended that my SO pursue custody. We have an appointment with a lawyer about that today *sigh*. She has a history of cutting. We take her to IC but can only do it EOW.

Obviously she's rebelling. Obviously she's seeking attention. She reallty had no idea how big this would get. SO called the cops. The deputy that met with us last night will be stopping by the next time we have her. He was awesome. I'm struggling to avoid ONLY negative dynamic in the relationship with this girl.

Crescita posted 12/3/2013 10:58 AM

I think sometimes it helps to remind people of how good they are. Assume good intentions. Part of it is rebellion, but part is also trying to connect, to distance herself from pre-teen drama, to establish independence, and to feel more mature. She’s not going about it correctly at all, she doesn’t know how. Maybe try to find some other outlets so she can feel more grown up without sacrificing so much of her innocence.

Give her more responsibility, more autonomy, something that will help her to become more socially aware. Maybe volunteer or get her to help you with an important project. Let her know you trust her to be good and show her that even adults have to be honest and rely on each other. Good luck!

KeepCalm_CarryOn posted 12/3/2013 14:30 PM

I was a pretty rebellious teen- I snuck out, drank, did lots of bad things BUT never got in "real" trouble. No pregnancy scares, no rehab, etc. I was arrested once for trespassing for bringing a friend lunch at another high school, during the day, when my school was out- even the judge laughed.

One of the big things that kept me somewhat above water was I had responsibilities. My parents gave me a choice- I could work or do a 5-day a week school activity. So during the summers I worked and during the school year I was a cheerleader on two squads so it actually turned into a 7-days a week activity because I loved it so much. I learned real quick cheerleading with a hang over was seriously not fun.

Maybe encourage her to find something she loves and dive full in! In as many ways as you can, treat her like the adult she wants to be.

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