SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

WhatsRight posted 12/3/2013 04:21 AM

Don't you just hate this???

He was in the back room. I heard him on the phone. He was talking to someone privately. It was something dirty.

I said, "Who was that?" He said, "Its an app on my phone." I said, "Who was it?" He said, "Its an app on my phone."

Simple as that. Amazing what 18 words can do to you. I woke up with a moan. He asked if I had another bad dream and I said yes. He asked me to put my head on his shoulder. I didn't respond.

I don't know what to say in times like these. It is kind - I guess - for him to offer his shoulder. But when the bad dream is about him and because of him, I just don't feel like curling up in his arms.

Now its the middle of the night, and I'm up. Here.

This shit really screws with my mind.

whiteflower99 posted 12/3/2013 04:28 AM

Huge hugs.
You are not alone.
Dreams like that suck. And what makes it worse when they fall asleep so peacefully... and you are wide awake in pieces.
It as like they are so close, but still light years away.

WhatsRight posted 12/3/2013 04:39 AM

they fall asleep so peacefully... and you are wide awake in pieces.
It as like they are so close, but still light years away.

Exactly. I will never understand this. When I woke up from the dream, he was watching TV. When I was completely awake because of the dream, he handed me the remote and turned over to go to sleep.

I said, "Do you find it odd that if you are awake, then I wake up, you go to sleep?" He says, "I am not really awake. I was just trying to find something I had already seen so I could fall asleep." He then turns over and goes to sleep.

I don't have the vivid dreams any more. The ones that are graphic with him and someone else. I just have creepy ones where he is being secretive or deceptive.

I wake up being literally repulsed by him. I don't know what to do - I don't want this to effect me for days.

whiteflower99 posted 12/3/2013 04:53 AM

I remember a dream I had where he and I were in a cafeteria... like high school.other people were there,I recognized them but didn't know them.
I had my tray of food and here were ALL these happy little couples eating side by side.
My husband left me standing there. Alone. He just freaking disappeared.
Everyone was staring at me and I felt horrible.
When I woke up I wanted to stab him. I mean I had a serious Basic Intinct moment and wanted to shove something sharp and pointy through his head.
I am told it gets better.
One can only hope.

[This message edited by whiteflower99 at 4:54 AM, December 3rd (Tuesday)]

WhatsRight posted 12/3/2013 05:06 AM

Oh - that is horrible! Its almost like it is the underlying horror of the whole thing. The infidelity makes us literally alone - until whatever time we do not still feel alone.

Whenever that is - if it ever comes.

devasted30 posted 12/3/2013 05:14 AM

Good Morning Everyone. I've never been much of one to remember dreams, but waking up for me is horrible because for a couple of minutes (make that seconds) I forgot everything and then it all comes flooding back - that he had someone else in our bed - he held her, kissed her, fondled her etc IN OUR BED. The one we sleep in - it's a new mattress and box spring, but it is the same frame. He had another one in the guest room - same stuff. Falling asleep is difficult, waking up is difficult - living is difficult. This is such bullshit. What did we do to deserve this life????????????????????????

WhatsRight posted 12/3/2013 05:19 AM

I have the same feelings. When I first wake up - or when I see a loving couple - or when I see something on TV - or when I am having an experience I want to share with my soulmate - just for a fraction of a second it is like the veil of pain is not there.

Then, before I even have the chance to even enjoy the "absence of pain" it all comes crashing back. The darkness, the emptiness, the despair.

I want to be thankful for that fraction of a second - but I wonder if it doesn't make the reality even worse?

Cabot posted 12/3/2013 06:39 AM

For me that sec of normal and the the crash of pain is the worst. Anouther thing WS will never understand.

Sammy2013 posted 12/3/2013 06:53 AM

I'm still in the not really sleeping stage. When I do I dream about it. So I can't even escape the nightmare that is my life right now in sleep. The rare time I do, the waking up and those precious few peaceful seconds, are more hurtful because the crashing down on me takes my breath away every time.

My dream is the replay of when I overheard him on the phone with her. I couldn't hear what he was saying, but his tone broke my heart. It was very intimate and loving.

Scientist posted 12/3/2013 10:04 AM

I have been having really emotional dreams, like being handed a baby and told he needs loving. I am a man of 58, for goodness' sake!

But the truth comes in at all hours of the day and night:

The infidelity makes us literally alone - until whatever time we do not still feel alone.