I haven't lurked or posted here in a while. Although SI is FULL of support, and it helped me immensely, I found it sometimes too depressing to constantly
be on these sites focusing on negativity.
That said, I'd like to post another update at the 5 month mark from d-day.
Together 24yrs, married for 19. D-day, July 01. Her affair began via facebook in early May. Separated mid-August. 1 son (14) who's with me. Other son (21) on his own.
Folks, everyone's situation is different. I am just sharing some of mine to help those who may want to hear another story. First off, after the initial emotional meltdowns and continuous stunning, shocking things that occur from a ""spouse"" who you basically sold your soul for, things DO get better...emotionally anyway. All the cliches like "put yourself first", "eat nutritious foods and exercise", "be with friends", "don't fall into drinking or drugs" etc., etc. They are all true. Never never give up!
So, she was living close by and I initially thot this was so she could stay in touch physically with her son. Pfffft! She's obsessed with the OM. She hardly spent any time with our son, except through text messaging. With a saner mind now, I see her thing as such a superficial fantasy, it actually makes me laugh! Too much detail to tell, so won't share the specifics. She recently got fired from her job (probably on purpose), and bolted into her lover's arms five hours away. I really could care less. There is NOTHING left in my heart for her. I will remain sane and respectful since we share two sons, but that's about it. She texted me out of the blue one day and wanted to be "friends" bla bla for the son's (14) sake. Oh please. Friends!?!?! Hahaha. I politely texted back that we cannot be friends, but perhaps respectful. And that was my last contact with her. From little grapevine tidbits I hear, she is a lying machine to her blood family and friends. Whatever floats her boat. I just don't care.
Anyway, officially, papers are being served. So relieving after all this time. And thus, I enter what I am calling Stage 2 of Hell!
Btw, for the record, personally, I am feeling fine, sleeping well, many new good habits. Mind is clearer for thinking...even more clear than when I was enabling a psychopath in marriage. Eggshells disappeared, brainwashing effect is gone, feel freer interacting with people I had to avoid before, etc. Physically, D-day weight of 216, now down to 188. A healthy weight loss though, not sickly. Moving on with my life, laughing more, getting along great with people, and even my in-laws are still ensuring that I'm doing okay. I'll be honest, I do have the odd "bad" day or occasional trigger, but they are not overwhelming anymore.
So to all on this board, take care of yourself and stay strong dudes! And I'm not just saying that, I mean it.