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Another Odd Night

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fireproof posted 12/3/2013 22:35 PM

Maybe it is that I am over tired or the holidays but I dreamed that my ex showed up and said it was all a nightmare.

I don't want to be divorced and everything that comes with it. I don't like saying the word and the idea that someone of that character (OW) stole my future.

I don't know if I have the energy in the right way to be committed in the way that I should. I want to make this right for my child as well and I can't.

Blended families are great but I miss the original.

It has to do with accepting and I guess tonight I feel like I am just sad I have to be here in this position.

newlysingle posted 12/4/2013 00:45 AM

I don't know your situation, but are you sure that you really had the life you pictured?

I say this because I've often felt the same way. However, when I take off the rose colored glasses and really look at my marriage it was not as good as I thought. WXH pretty much ignored me and the kids for his career and then his OW. He was never committed to his family like he should have been. He was very selfish and PA.

I'm thinking that I'd rather take my chances with a blended family that might include a dad that really is a dad. I'm looking for someone that will actually commit to not only myself, but his family.

Williesmom posted 12/4/2013 05:06 AM

Yes, after my wxh's first affair, we attempted to R. It was weird, it was awkward, it just wasn't the same.

The thing is....we never had what I thought we had anyway.

At least the life that I have is real.

NoAnswers37 posted 12/4/2013 05:47 AM

Fire, I have that as my reoccurring dream too and it's just so cruel.

I either dream that we are back to how we were and that nothing ever happened, or that he tells me that is was a nightmare etc.. my most recent one was that it was 4 years down the line and we are back together and fully R'd and expecting our first baby.... I was SO happy in my dream.

It's hard to try and work out why we have these dreams, but I believe it must have something to do with the mind trying to process everything. Wish I couldn't remember my dreams though...

JenniMay posted 12/4/2013 07:34 AM

At least the life that I have is real.

Ah. What a great realization! Seriously. I do it too--there are days when I can get down & lament for what I thought I had...what could've been.

My life now is quiet, simple, uncomplicated. No one bothers me. I do my own thing. Very rarely anymore do I feel lonely.

I don't have children, a relationship nor a blended family. It's really just "me" (& my animals, of course!) right now.

I have the dreams too. Sometimes they're so real, they rock me for days. I do fantasize that it could've all been a dream, but I know better---we had more problems than just the A. The A was just the outcome.

But this totally sums it up for me: At least the life that I have is real now.

better4me posted 12/4/2013 12:39 PM

Sorry that you are hurting. I've had similar dreams and I hate them.

It has to do with accepting and I guess tonight I feel like I am just sad I have to be here in this position.
Acceptance doesn't mean you have to be "happy" about it, you can be sad and accept it too. Sure, the future you imagined will be different than what you thought it would be, but it is still "your" future. And it isn't written yet, who knows how it will turn out...

fireproof posted 12/4/2013 22:14 PM

I thought about it on the drive and I think it is resentment.

I have been divorced for years but I suppose it still gets me that I have to start over.

It is like investing in the future- your plans are based upon the foundation you built.

You have to learn everything all over- a job, new relationships, etc.

I must be tired - normally this doesn't get me or maybe it is that I just miss my old life.

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