I am OK. At peace with all of this. I realize that our relationship was not sustainable. He is emotionally immature, financially irresponsible and told his mother all of our business. He is an only son so his mother was way too involved. She encourage him to have the affair, so I hope she enjoys his weekly asking of borrowing money.
The one thing that I wished for though is that he took responsibility for this. I told him many times, his choice to cheat on me was the reason why we were going through this. He didn't even give our young family a chance to get through the hard parts. No counseling or anything. He wanted me to sweep this under the rug and pretend it never happened. He wanted me to "give him time." He ran away because his mother told him he should date other people to ensure he doesn't regret marrying me.... How could she say that about the mother or his son? How could he listen? She was too afraid to let her only son grow up and be a man, so she helped him destroyed his life for her wants. He went to OW because she doesn't want anything from him except to continue spending money on her. She just wants fun and attention. She isn't asking him to go to counseling or dig deep. She is almost 10 years younger than him with no responsibilities, like kids or bills.
Sometimes I "worry" that he is happy because I don't think he should get to be happy after messing up our lives. He is in his love bubble, tons of fun and sex with OW. This all is starting to affect him financially now but otherwise, he is fine taking care of himself while I struggle to take care of DS3. But then I realized that it doesn't matter if he is happy. The constant way he tries to contact me or starts fights with me shows me that he isn't happy. I do know of at least two fights that him and OW have had and they have broken up a few times. She isn't too happy that he didn't tell her he was engaged to be married and then got married when they first met and I think she harbors resentment because he was initially dishonest. But even still, he isn't happy and it doesn't matter if he is or not. I just got saved from a disastrous situation. Years of unhappiness and stress due to his debt and immature ways. Even more, due to his mother's involvement.
I took the time to do the work required to reflect on this and heal myself. I saw a counselor. I researched infidelity. I told myself the truth about myself. I did the hard work to figure out why I settled for someone who was selfish. I learned. I will be fine.
Our wedding anniversary is this Sunday so I wanted to be divorced before that. 12/4 is a day I have loved since way before I met him and coincidentally, I am getting divorced on it. Just another sign that this was meant to happen and this is the right way to go. No tears today. I will walk into the court house with a smile and even smile at him. I will be happy and laugh. STBXH just set me up very nicely. I hope him and OW last and receive all the happiness they deserve. My focus is back on me and my future. I will be fine because I am now free.
I don't ever want to be happy in the way that he defines it. I like my definition better.
Here's to freedom movingforward - not just free of them but free to find and be ourselves.
Just to be. That's what I'm loving the most. I didn't know it was missing until I had it back. I won't let go of it again.
Thank you all so much. I slightly started to cry at court and I stopped myself. Small victory but the marriage is officially over, which is the bigger victory!!!
“The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves.” ― Pema Chödrön
WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009. EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.
Congratulations! Best of luck in your NB.
[This message edited by Lola2kids at 9:02 AM, December 5th (Thursday)]
