Me BS 42 Him WS 44
I so understand what you are asking. This was me for the past few months.
Let me back up to answer your question. I think it depends- I know, I know. I didn't really answer it, but I will try to explain.
6mths out if very early out. There is a lot of ruminating and obsessing that goes on for a long time in the first year and beyond. The subject IS front and center and I think it needs to be…at least for the immediate future.
For me, I am approaching dday 2nd antiversary. I am a bit farther down this road. So for the past few months, our MC has been telling me to do just what you have said, to distract myself, change my thoughts etc…
It felt unnatural to me too. My daily, almost constant, thinking, obsessing, etc… had become commonplace. It had become almost a safety net of sorts. It was as if my pushing the thoughts away would then make my WH not as aware that this shit is still here. I was afraid to let go. My MC said I could rehash anything in counseling, but to skip it, skip the thoughts outside. I was to try to enjoy my WH, our time together etc…
I really think he suggested this for me because he wanted to 'force' me to see that I WOULD be ok if I didn't let all the thoughts consume me all day, every day. He also wanted me to see how it changed my interactions with my WH. We were no longer discussing only this stuff. It worked.
The first week after I did it, it was fine. But then he said to do it another week and I was pissed. I said to the MC that I felt that I was not being true to myself or my feelings. The MC said that I was at a turning point. I could stay steeped in my thoughts and let them consume me or I could try to move on from them. Staying stuck in them would make me bitter, he said.
So against my better judgement, i decided to give what he said a try. And it worked, slowly. It now has been several weeks. I WAS stuck, BUT
and I caution you here, I was stuck after a very long time after dday. My WH (and I think I can almost put the f there now ) has done a lot. He has changed a lot. The MC has helped change his thinking. He has done some major actions where he has chosen me first….hard actions that mean a lot to me. He has been doing all the things that people talk about for a long time as well to try and R. It was time.
I think what your counselor is saying to you can be effective, but I don't know if it is your 'time' yet. Your IC could be telling you this for a short term diversion so you can make it through the next hour or as in my case, a long term diversion to make it though weekly. I did do both. I would suggest going back to IC and talking about all this with him. I think you will know if it rugsweeping or if, in fact, like me, you need someone else to give you permission to shelve it for the time being.
Hugs Olwen. This is not easy!!
OW Coworker DDay April 7, 2012
EA on a slippery slope...
When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Viktor Frankl
"When you are happy, you can forgive a great deal."