Thank you all again for your replies.
Trying2Survive1 I have told my H what I need...many times but he "forgets" all the time or he can't apply what he learns from one situation to another. Our IC has also observed this and has commented about how she can't see how things can improve if he won't apply previous knowledge to new situations. It's so frustrating! I feel like I am parenting him half the time but I'm trying REALLY hard not to. He needs to learn for himself too.
I don't think he meant to hurt me. I just don't think he thought of me at all if I'm being completely honest.
I did buy 5 love languages by Gary Chapman but I found it difficult to read after reading his acknowledgements where he writes "Home also means Karolyn, to whom I have been married for more than forty years. If all wives loved as she does, fewer men would be looking over the fence". I couldn't get over my anger at this statement and I ended up stopping at chapter 5.
Razor, thank you for your comments. I don't feel my H fits the roles you describe. He's more of a procrastinator. He says he needs time to think or that he is actually thinking about something but that lasts a few seconds and then he's snoring in his chair of watching some crap on tv. Any prior discussion about thoughts, relationship work or IC work has vacated his head...until I bring it up again. Then he'll tell me he forgot, is still thinking about whatever or hasn't had time to think anything through.
When he does finally come to a decision about anything where action is required, then he will think forever about how to proceed. It takes him hours to write on page of his life story for our IC. By the length of this post, I'm sure you can see I ramble on. So I guess I find his slowness annoying. I feel like he's avoiding the discomfort of doing the work because after all, how he feels seems to be more important.
Rebreather, H has gone backwards in his efforts in R. I have discussed it all with him. Today we had a massive unrelated argument where he announced we were over. He since took it back but I am still hurt and angry. He acted like a child having an aggressive tantrum. I am starting to really question my decision to R. I told him I didn't deserve the way I was treated today and told him if it happens again, we WILL be done. I have found my line in the sand. I deserve better than this. I am still waiting for his apology btw
Dare2Trust, I totally agree with you! That's why it hurt so much. He just didn't care enough to give me any thought...I often wonder why I'm still in this M
33years, I understand what you are saying but being the BS, you are hurt. I think a remorseful WS would be understanding of that. You have to do the best you can moment to moment. Good luck.
Scubachick, I'm sorry you found yourself in a similar situation. I think in my case, my H was too busy playing the victim to think about making it up to me in any way. He would just mention how bad he felt about not getting me anything...boo hoo!
I think he's expecting to be the same old selfish, inattentive, lazy H he was pre A and that everything will just go back to "normal". I have told him I won't stay married to the man he was before. I have told him that he needs to step up and make some changes or I'm out of here. He made some changes and things were going great but I am starting to realize that he just does not have the sustainability to maintain those changes unfortunately. If this latest argument doesn't motivate him to make changes then I can't see us lasting much longer.