I am approaching DD and believe it is best to be busy. I am worried that the stressors in my life right now which are not related to the A (work, adult child who has moved home after a failed relationship, 16 yr old grandchild, exhaustion) will reduce my ability to cope on this day.
H on the other hand prefers low key this year and wants me to tell his family that my family is flying in and we will not have time for them this year. I am leaning towards inviting his family, surrounding myself so I do not endlessly or needlessly dwell in a well worn pit of emotion on the 24th and picking up my family at midnight, going to church. It will be the first time I will have seen them since DD. I can easily see myself getting strung right out over this if I let it. I need a plan.
PostA, I just could not cope and this (retreating to recover) was one of the sad by products of the A. My elderly mom did call me the year after DD to say she understood, that things happen in people's lives that not everyone needs to know about or understand and this let me know she loved me still, and allowed me to heal without feeling pressure to still be the "good" daughter. We did talk on the phone during this time and the frequency has improved in terms of the number of times we talk now. It is relaxed and happy vibe now, finally.
For those of you who have been there/done that, can read and articulate emotions better than I can who have worked through this in therapy, or who can move past reacting intuitively as I do, share your thoughts please.
FYI, Generally, I regard the A season as August, peaking on DD, and through to Feb as we coped with the worst of the fallout. I am mindful during this time to make sure I can cope, deal with emotions so they don't run high. I feel good about this this year for the most part. We did very well on our anniversary by visiting our son and not trying to celebrate our years together but enjoying ourselves in the present. (His idea).