My story is on the "Lots of serious issues" thread on Just Found Out if you want to read it. I wanted some feedback to know if we are truly, finally, starting R.
I had not been doing the 180 and she was feeling accosted by me following her around the house, checking up on her, insisting on NC constantly, etc. I told her I'd back off and decided I'd do the 180. Since her chief complaint to "push her into A" was my "ignoring her", I warned her that I was going to back off, maybe a lot, and that it didn't mean I didn't care, it just meant that I don't know an appropriate midpoint.
48 hours of 180 later, I got a text saying she would be checking into a hospital for depression. I called her and she said she was calling the outpatient line, and she'd call me back in a few minutes. I waited and she texted back saying she felt better and was driving home.
5 minutes later she called me. Crying profusely. Apologizing for everything she put me through. Saying she understands now, and that she had seen him for the last time. She destroyed his rear window with rocks!
When she came back I told her I was proud of her. She says the fog came off while he was talking to her. She realized that since D-Day he has been using extortion to force her to continue seeing her (she only agreed to meeting him again because he threatened to visit the house to "sit with everyone and have a conversation"), and as she was calling to check into the hospital (he followed her there after they met) she realized "he's driving me crazy and destroying my family, and he's not worth it". She snapped. She broke his window, she hit him, and threw rocks at him. He got into her car and she pushed him away and almost ran him over! Then she drove off and called me.
She is now extremely apologetic. I must have heard "I'm so sorry I put you through this" and "I can't believe you loved me through it" a hundred times. I'm very happy. She stopped answering his texts or phone calls, and let me have her phone so I'd help her blocking him from all services. We agreed if he shows up at the house, she won't open the door and just call 911.
I took the day off work yesterday to spend it with her. There were many text messages and about 17 missed calls. She showed me the recent text stream, an all-night crazy stream of him spewing with no answers. After a lot of lame "let's work on this baby, let's fight 4 us", we decided to send him a final note, threatening to call the police if he ever attempted contact again.
We then went to the store to change the phone#.
The last incoming text before we changed the # said "maybe I'll start contacting your husband instead then". Creep. This AM I got a "No caller ID" call on my cell phone. I didn't answer it.
So I don't know if we're officially in R but we're close, and I finally feel some real honesty from her. She's been slowly and politely volunteering info about the A (always along with "I'm so embarrassed" and "I'm sooo sorry") without me asking.
She now seems committed, she now realizes what I'm going through, and we both are *so* relieved that we no longer have to worry about the phone all the time. We're still worried about the ex-con's reaction but given his legal issues we don't expect anything too serious, hoping the lack of contact will take the oxygen off his obsession.
Had my IC yesterday. Our therapist is very happy but says he will need to talk to her about the violence of it on her own IC
I told her "at least therapist didn't ask to see you right away".
I now feel quite a bit more trusting, and she does too about me.
Comments and advice welcome.