She has been somewhat defensive, but open to answering any questions I have about the details. However, lately she has been pressuring me to move forward and telling me that even though I have all the information I'm just not going to feel like I do. Last week I realized that I would be able to recover the entire text history from her phone's cache. Several times I tried to get her phone, but she took it back. After a few days I told her I was getting suspicious that I can't have her phone. So, I decided to just tell her one evening that I am going to retrieve the texts, but she left her phone on the hood of her car and drove away demolishing the phone. I tried to get the backup files from her work computer only to find out that two weeks ago the computer was wiped clean. It's just adding more suspicion. In addition, little bits of information keep coming up (like she had offered the woman a job in an interview two years prior, but due to circumstances was never able to fully hire her after that--said she forgot).
Every time I've suspected something or that there is more, there has been. I realize, however, that I've been traumatized which weakens my ability to trust my instincts. So, what I'm asking is, how do you know when you have enough information to move on? Can you trust your instinct that there is more? Is it important to get that information? I want to trust her, but with this nagging feeling that there is more, I'm unable to move on.
My suggestion is to tell her that in order to make you feel better you'd like her to take a polygraph test. If she has told it all it will be no problem for her. Her reaction will speak volumes.
"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."
Do you really need to question your judgement here?
She is lying.
I would pull a 180, stop asking and go stealth.
I want to trust her, but with this nagging feeling that there is more, I'm unable to move on.
My BH was like you. He could not move on when his gut was screaming. His gut was right, there was more. Once it was all out (and I took a poly), he was able to move forward.
I'd suggest you re-post this information in The Just Found Out Section....you will receive lots of help, support, and suggestions.
Frankly - I do not believe your marriage is in "Reconciliation" because your WW (Wayward Wife) is consistently telling you lies, and hiding things from you.
Your question: "Do I have it all?"
NO you do not.
I can understand being alone; but I hate being with someone and feeling lonely.