I feel so alone.
Does this feeling last forever?
It will be 2 weeks on Friday that I asked him to leave.
I have 2 small children. If I'm not on the freeway to or from work, at work, I'm with my kids. I'm having a hard time adapting.
No it doesn't. However, there are no shortcuts. You have to go through them - work it out. Feel them.
Start reaching out to your support community - family, friends, colleagues; other moms, people at your day care, etc.
I'm sorry you're here.
"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov "Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid
On weekends, we hardly saw him. He was hung over and making hidden plans while pretending to be at work. He was gone a lot, stating he had to work a lot. From 4 days, to sometimes 6-7 days a week. I went to family gathering alone and resented him for that.
Do you have friends or an IC who can listen and support you?
(((libertyrocks)))
I'm so sorry. This is the hardest thing I've ever gone through, and I don't have any kids. I can only imagine what you are feeling at this moment.
I can tell you that the way you feel right now won't last forever, though I know it seems that way. It's awful but you just sort of have to ride it out, like an illness. One day, probably when you least expect it, you'll wake up and find that you feel a little better.
In the meantime, be kind to yourself. Eat, drink, sleep as much as you can while you cope with the trauma. And by all means, give yourself credit for how strong you are! As ladies_first said, you've already been handling things on your own, so you CAN do this, you already have been doing it. I know the feeling of being alone has become more profound, but I think you'll find that the day-to-day function of your life hasn't really changed all that much, except to become less stressful, since you no longer have an unreliable loose cannon to deal with too. It was like this for me. I realized that he had "left" longgg before he actually left.
You'll be okay. Hang in there!
Follow your heart, but take your brain with you. ~ Alfred Adler Letting go of the outcome is about the most empowering thing you can do for yourself. ~ LosferWords
My ex I believe is already out there dating. He was screwing around the whole marriage, made a pass at my friend, spent joint funds on OW and made me feel like a single parent while we were married. I did everything for him and for us.
And yet, and yet......
I feel hurt that he is dating. I feel unloved, unwanted, discarded. It hurts. I want to be loved unconditionally and I wasn't by this man. I feel old and past my shelf life.
I thought he loved me and we would be together all the way. Accepting that that is not true is very painful.
But, I do know that it is better to process the pain and work on myself than jump into another relationship. That's an easy fix but it has it's own consequences down the line.
In my opinion, it is better to be single now even though it doesn't feel that way!
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be. ― Sarah McMane
You've been alone much longer than 2 weeks, so try not to feel overwhelmed now. Easier said than done.
^^THIS. This. A thousand times this.
I'm alone now but I'm nowhere near as lonely as I was in that M.
My girls were just 4 and 18m on DD. Final S was 6m later.
I'm a far better mother, daughter, friend - woman. I would never have believed it 2 years ago, 18m ago. Never.
You won't always feel this way. Right now you cannot imagine a future without him.
What I want you to know is that you KNOW the future you were going to have with him. He showed you. Left you with no doubt. I too felt safer in a toxic way with what I knew.
You have a no idea of how amazing your future can be without him. In time you will. Keep looking after yourself. Try to carve out some time for you - to sleep, cry on the floor - rage walk/clean. Whatever you need. Take any/all offers of help. You don't have to do this alone.
It won't always feel this way. I promise. When I was where you are now someone here said these words to me: "Someday soon this won't be something that is happening, it will be something that has happened".
Little comfort right now, I know. But it is true.
For me, I started an on-line journal and I can read back a year ago, two years ago...now three! And I'm amazed that while sometimes I feel like I'm standing still, I've actually moved miles forward in that time.
You will, too.
It is very overwhelming to know that you can't just say 'watch them' for a little while while you take a breath.
Contact any local college that offers Elementery Ed. and see if they could post for a baby sitting gig.
Contact local Girl Scouts, some even have a baby sitting badge that you could help them get. They have to take a baby sitting course so they will have basic first aid and the like.
I am not sure how old the kiddo's are, but its never really to early to start them on easy chores to help you out. My little man, 4, gets stars when he dresses himself, picks up his toys, helps me load the dishwasher, and stuff. Nothing major, but still - its more then before. My little girl gets stars for the same, but she doesn't help with dishes. She's pretty good at cleaning her room up and loves to dust!....just give her a rag and she washes until the rag's dry.
Personally, I feel a little stuck on the moving forward. But ... here are some of the things I did that put some miles betwixt XH & me.
Started cooking up a storm of things XH wouldn't eat; started a pool team; made new friends.
That's a few things that anyone can do, practically anywhere.
Reach out to your family, friends, neighbors, church, etc. You have this gigantic family here on SI.
And, AD's def help.
