This is my story - I'm hoping to both inspire and gain wisdom with this post. I had a 9 month affair with someone my BS knew. I started IC while in the affair and ended it 2 months prior to my D-Day. My AP told me her BS had found out, at that moment I knew my life had just changed forever. I met my BS and told her, and I haven't lived at my house since that day. Immediately I went NC with my AP and told my BS everything she wanted to know, no matter how detailed or uncomfortable. My BS reacted very differently than I had thought she would, but I now understand how deeply something like this rocks someone's soul. Initially, we went through the crazy sex phase that sometimes occurs. Once that ran its course and her emotions turned, things turned very dark. She started dating very quickly and made sure I knew it. I was told "you will never have me again" so many times. I don't know how I held on at times.
We had always had a very close bond, so much so that people were jealous of us. I am still searching with the help of my IC to find the real why, but I have experienced great personal growth from the focus I have placed on myself, my children and my BS. (When she is willing to receive it)
I decided early on that I could not let the behaviors that got me here lead the way anymore. I was not going to give up, no matter how bad it got , how sad I was or how hopeless it seemed. I knew however I was feeling she was feeling 1000x over. I believed our love and bond was true and if anything we would come out of this stronger than we ever would have been otherwise.
The first 3 months were a very dark HELL, one day she liked me the next day she didn't. All the while I knew she was dating someone, and it killed me. But... it taught me what really matters. The sex isn't really the problem for us (She feels the same way) It was the betrayal of the trust and devotion and safety and everything else.
We have been in MC for about 1.5 months and she has been in IC for about 2. Over the last month we have become much closer, she has been sharing with me and she even used the R word in MC yesterday. I stopped chasing her romantically and guess what? I got my best friend back. I started to REALLY listen to her, removing my pride, ego, personal pain, etc.
I have true hope now (As does she) that I have not lost my best friend and the love of my life. We still have a long road ahead, but I think we are both in this now together.
If I can offer anything here, it is to trust yourself. I had plenty of people tell me "it's been long enough" or "she needs to make a decision" plus a thousand other things. Listen to the people that have lived through it, but know that no one is the same. My BS needed to do what she did and take the time she did to arrive at the point we are today. She has grown from this too and now we can grow together.
I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but I do know that if I had given up I would not be where I am today.
I appreciate any feedback or advice anyone cares to offer.
Never give up