Hi, I'm new to forums (and betrayal) so please be patient with me. I found this site a couple of days ago and it is helping me get through the worst week in my life.
I found an unfamiliar mobile phone laying on my kitchen bench last Friday morning and thought it was probably an old one of the kids my husband had come across in storage. Until I notice it was flashing with a new message.
To cut a long story short it was a second phone my husband had to keep in touch with a woman. When he came home an hour later I confronted him and I still can't believe what he told me. The OW is someone he used to work with, I have met her several times and spoken on the phone hundreds of times - albeit not for more than ten years. When I asked how long it had been going on I almost collapsed when he told me 8 or 9 years.
He started by saying it was harmless, "just flirty texts" but I had read about ten and they had both said "love you" and referred to being aroused. I had hidden the phone and refused to tell him where it was as I wanted to be able to read the rest of them.
Devastated isn't a strong enough word. Through reading the posts on here I know you understand the terror and turmoil that follows. I never suspected a thing and still struggle to think he could be so devious - we've always been so open with each other and there hadn't been any obvious changes that I was aware of. There was much crying from both of us and he begged me to forgive him saying it meant nothing. I fired questions at him and he answered but most of the time he paraphrased my question first - obviously to give himself time to think.
I had made a note of the OW mobile number and called it several times from the hidden phone - she never answered but there was two missed calls from her from earlier in the day when I'd hidden it. She is married with children of 8 and 14 - her husband has some health problems I think it may be epilepsy. I then rang her from my own mobile and left a message saying I knew what had been going on and wanted to speak to her - she should ring me on my number or I was going to her house. After a couple of hours without a response I texted her saying if she hadn't called by seven I was coming to her house. She rang at ten to seven saying "hi Em, I don't know what you think has been going on but it was nothing, just a few silly flirty texts - we've been daft but done nothing wrong. My husband is here with me and I've explained and apologised to him". I repeated one of the sexual texts to her and gave her a mouthful, saying her husband and kids should know what a slag she is. She was calm and quite dismissive but said if I go near her house she will get the police. At that moment I would have willingly swung for her. Her husband came on the phone and said "my wife has told me what has happened and I believe her. Do you trust your husband because I trust my wife". I told him I had the phone and there was more than 40 texts on it and quoted a few to him - that seemed to throw him a bit as he said he would need to see the proof - I told him to let me know where and when and hung up.
The following morning I went through the phone in more detail and found lots more. The affair was sexual and some of the texts pornographic. Part two of the confrontation and I got more details from him but how do you separate the truth from the lies? He says he loves me more than life - he's never gone a day without telling me he loves me in all our years together - and it wasn't about us, he couldn't be happier with me and doesn't know why he did it? He's begged me to let him stay and says he'll spend the rest of his life making it up to me. I feel so lost and alone, he's been my best friend most of my life and everything we've shared is tainted.
It has been the longest week of my life and I go to bed hoping I don't wake up. I'm sorry to go on so long but I haven't shared this with anyone else.
We have been together since I was 15 - married almost 45 years and have two adult children.
Thanks for listening.