Then, if nothing triggers me, I start relaxing after work when we're home and doing normal parenting/home stuff. We usually have good nights, but then I have to go to sleep and start the horrible cycle all over.
Today is one of those mornings.
Her: WW, 41, ~5yr EA turned PA
DDay: Nov 12, 2013
Trying to R...for now
There were a couple of other shifts in this pattern I noticed. Further down the line I actually hated Fridays because it meant I had to be at home with STBXWW and couldn't avoid thinking about it. Later during false R I hated Mondays because it meant I was away from her during the day and worried she was in contact with AP. Then near the end the only calm I had was when I was NOT around STBXWW because she became my biggest trigger.
Just know this all does get better with time. is yoru WW doing anything to resolve her issues or try to fix what she broke. Is she giving you transparency, going to IC, telling you the truth, answering all questions, not rugsweeping or avoiding discussions, etc? I ask because you can't R by yourself and if she isn't doing what she needs to do to resolve her issues then you should look at doing the 180.
[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 8:08 AM, December 5th (Thursday)]
7rs...your first paragraph is me EXACTLY. Work only helps when I can do something with people; my normal job is all writing and ... thinking, thus normal work doesn't help. But when I get home, help make dinner, help with kids homework, etc., even just talk to WW about our day, it helps me calm down. I think it's the sense that something, anything, is normal. But the morning is when I realize nothing is normal.
I'm trying to be patient with R. WW is giving me 90-95% of what I need, and many of my wants. She's in IC, has committed to NC (and has maintained it afaik), has answered all questions, and is mostly transparent. I say mostly because she still bristles at the idea I read her email, etc., but she hasn't tried to hide it either. She doesn't want to feel like I'm reading her everyday, normal stuff, but understands why I don't trust her otherwise. We're only 3 wks from Dday, so I'm being patient with that since she is allowing access, even if she doesn't like it. We plan on MC after the holidays, but wanted to both get some IC in first to help sort our own thoughts out. Plus, holiday stress with 3 kids is enough by itself.
I wish she showed more outward emotion, especially grief or shame or a more complete apology. I feel she is still conflicted in her mind about what she wants and isn't ready to truly accept what she did. But sometimes she says/does something that gives me real hope and that gives me the patience to let her keep working on her own thoughts while I work on mine.
"Global editing disclaimer - I edit almost everything I post, and I am not going to post why every time."...re: Bionical girl
I want to see her fall down, sobbing because she realized what she did to me. I want her to apologize everyday without prompting. I want her to spend the effort on our marriage that she spent keeping her affair going strong. But she doesn't.
So, you and I will keep going to work, and writing, and breathing. Good luck buddy. My heart is with you.