kmom2662
♀ 41494
Member # 41494 |  Posted: 7:58 AM, December 5th (Thursday), 2013 |     |
Everywhere I go, everything I do, there seem to be things that remind me of the terrible thing I did-- music on the radio, a mention on TV of a particular part of the country, things at work. I feel like locking myself in the house, but that doesn't help either, because the guilt and shame are in my head, so there's no escaping it, no matter what I do. I'm revolted by all of the things that remind me of that 2-month period. Yesterday, H and I found out that OM had viewed my linked-in page 6 weeks ago, 3 weeks after a very strongly worded NC email from me. I never use that account, actually forgot it existed, so we found it by accident. It started a whole new wave of pain, worry, and anger. I saw my husband fall apart all over again. We talked about it all evening; I ended up throwing up from the anxiety. I have IC again on Monday, just needed to vent a little to make it through the day.
Me-- WW, 49
Him-- BH, 53 (bobf)
Married 22 years
OEA, chat/email with multiple people over an 8 week period, 8/2013-10/4/2013
D-day 10/4/13
Working on reconciliation
Posts: 69 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: United states |
Deeply Scared
♀ 2
Member # 2 | | Posted: 12:02 PM, December 5th (Thursday), 2013 | |
kmom...
It's all a process, there are no quick fixes to get around it all. The only way through it is go through it.
I think it's really positive that you both talked in such detail about it...that's a very good sign 
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)
My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.
Posts: 210060 | Registered: May 2002 |
Aubrie
♀ 33886
Member # 33886 | | Posted: 12:25 PM, December 5th (Thursday), 2013 | |
kmom,
The early days royally suck. I remember them well.
I agree with DS. You have to go thru it, not around it. With time and hard work, it will lessen.
This is the hall of mirrors. Where you will face yourself. Buckle up.
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne
Posts: 7891 | Registered: Nov 2011 |
