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Hrtbrken1 posted 12/5/2013 10:15 AM

Tomorrow marks the 3 year "anniversary" of the start of their affair. MOW had been visiting us, without her BS, and I had thought we had all had a lot of fun. She flew home, called FWH the next day to tell him she liked him as more then a friend. He responded in kind. It all took of from there. Sexting, naked pictures, Skype sessions, and accumulating with FWH visiting her and getting physical. It ended a week after his trip. It went on for 8 months. He threw her under the bus as soon as her spouse found their emails.

Over the last 2 years he has worked so hard digging for the whys. What led him to make these choices? Why did he react in that way? In the beginning there were months of TT, and a horrible IC. But he found a new IC, who has helped him root out these issues. We had a wonderful MC as well. It has been painful these last couple of years, but also there is joy in our home again. He is present, and loving, and a wonderful father. My anger at him for what he has done, and the anger towards MOW, can flare up in sudden flashes of heat and rage. It takes work to deal with these feelings, and to not lash out. There are days where I'm still screaming in my head "Why? For God's sake WHY? How could either one of you have done this to our families?" I cry. I take deep breaths. I make it thru another day.

I don't know what our future holds. I can't say where we'll end up. I know right now we're .....good. We love each other. We love our children. We humble ourselves before each other. I'm not as bitter as I was two years ago, but I'm also missing pieces of myself. I have accepted that. I'm different now, as he is different. It's a bittersweet realization, that we are more then what we were, and less at the same time.

I suppose I would say there's hope. And I can hang on to hope.

blakesteele posted 12/5/2013 12:00 PM


Well put together post. A bit unnerving that 3 years out you still have moments of severe pain and anger....but I see you have found ways to maturely deal with those.

At 16 months out I have more skills to process these uncomfortable feelings. I too feel strangely more complete and empty? at the same time.

I still have "WHY?!?!?!?" moments.

My wife is no longer in IC....she is showing some desire to start IC again....

Thanks for posting!

God be with us all.

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