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olwen posted 12/5/2013 13:36 PM

Ugh!

Quite proud of H today.

He came home from work and told me straight away that co worker ow tried to start a conversation with him.

It's the second time she has tried but the last was months ago and she got the brush off then too. She had asked him for a cigarette and he said no, when she asked if it was cos she had meant to be stopping smoking or because of what had happened he said he wanted nothing to do with her after what they had done and turned his back on her and walked away.

He got her moved into an office away from him but today she had popped up to get something from his office. He ignored her as usual and she asked him if he was going on the works xmas do.

His response was to not even look up from his computer, he said no and when she carried on trying to talk he just blanked her.

She is up to something cos she then said oh I thought I was the only one not going, then when she got no response she walked away.

She was obviously trying to restart some relationship with him but he can't stand to be around her. Although he can't blank her completely cos they do have to work together unfortunately. He keeps it to a bare minimum though and tells me every time they have any contact.

If he has to pass a work message to her he is very blunt and can't bear to look at her so he avoids her whenever he can. He won't step into her office as he worries the door might shut or she will start talking.

I think seeing as he has to have some contact with her he did quite well. He hates that he is even under the same roof as her.

I reckon she was hoping he would go and she would get another crack at him. She knows I don't go out much and it would have been her chance to try again with him. He has no interest in going at all, says he would rather be at home with me.

Just as an add on he is desperate to get out of his job and has applied for jobs all over the country. It really kills him she is anywhere in his life.

unfound posted 12/5/2013 14:29 PM

wtg mr olwen! hoping a new job finds it's way to him!

TheAmazingWondertwin posted 12/5/2013 16:34 PM

Something will come up! Good job mr.olwen.
I wish you both the best.

Scubachick posted 12/5/2013 18:04 PM

That's awesome, Olwen! Happy for both of you!!

libertyrocks posted 12/5/2013 18:07 PM

Aw, that's awesome. I so, wished my STXH would have done that at least once. He's NEVER, in the 14 years I've known him, would he do that. He LOVES the attention too much.

olwen posted 12/6/2013 03:02 AM

Thanks everyone. I hate that they still work together but at least I know he is ignoring her as far as poss. Makes it a bit easier and seeing as he hates conflict he is doing really well.

TimeToManUp posted 12/6/2013 06:14 AM

Being a WS in a similar situation, I can tell you that if he is indeed remorseful this type of occurrence eats him up inside. I still work in the same building as my AP, but thankfully I was able to change groups amd now there is no reason whatsoever for contact. None. But I still stress every morning coming in the building, and spend as little time as possible here (99% of my work is out in the field). I park in a side parking lot and come in a side door closer to my office. I won't even use the bathroom here unless one of my old friends gives me the all-clear that AP is out. Otherwise I'll wait until I am on the road and hit up Dunkin' Donuts or something.

What I'm trying to say is that this is a very stressful for a remorseful spouse. I know. It is good that he handled the situation well, and communicated with you. We dug our own hole, but it still sucks. Please let him know, if even in a small way, that this type of behavior helps to rebuild trust.

AML04 posted 12/6/2013 09:56 AM

(((Olwen)))

My WH is in the same situation but luckily he doesn't really have to have contact with her. Twice over the past month she has made it a point to talk to him. He ignores her and tells me right away. It still sucks

olwen posted 12/6/2013 13:19 PM

Thanks all

Timetomanup - you're quite right, that's why when he got to work this morning I asked him to have a look at my latest thread and the lovely responses

He said he didn't deserve the praise cos he should never have had anything to do with her in the first place.

I said he deserved the praise cos he is dealing with the fallout sooooo well and it's not easy being around her. He comes home on his lunch break now to give me a cuddle rather than be at work a minute longer than he has to.

His reply - the sooner I get another job the better.

He is in a very specialist job so it's hard to find things out there but around 5 have come up this year and he has applied to them all. Got one interview and didn't get it but he is on all of the big companies records as looking for work.

Saying that though she keeps getting into trouble for not doing her job properly, going early, arriving late etc and is clearly miserable in the job now no one 'wants to play' with her so hopefully she will leave soon.

silentlucidity posted 12/7/2013 02:14 AM

Thankyou all for your kind words.

I am trying to get a new job, I have applied for many jobs, but unfortunately, with the job I do, the jobs don't come up that easy, but when they do, I am applying.

I hate the fact that the AP is trying to talk to me, its as if in her puny brain she is either trying again or wanting things to go back to how it was before, NOT BLOODY LIKELY !!!!
I avoid her as much as I can, and therefore only have to see her about 5 mins in total all week, just the thought of her being in the building makes me sick, everyday I wish I was at another place.

Again, thankyou, but I don't deserve the credits, I wish you all the best in the future.

Ending thought: Olwen, I am truly sorry for the pain I have caused you and the fact I am still working there, as soon as something comes up, I will take it. I love you with all my heart & soul x x x

blakesteele posted 12/7/2013 05:17 AM

Great report Olwen....way to go Mr. Olwen!

I follow your journey closely. Your husbands exAP is quite a piece of work. She is very comfortable with her pattern of living....using her body to attract different men to satisfy her many different needs. She is most likely panicking that her ways will not work for her forever....enough about her.

Inspiring that Mr. Olwen is aggressively looking to find a job away from this bad situation.

An affair that took place at my work resulted in the woman not even coming back to work! She and a male coworker went to a training in another town....they both called their respective spouses from that town and told them the training ran long and they needed to stay the night. We work in a small town in a small company....it took about 8 hours to find out this was a lie. The man came back to work but the woman never did! This was shortly before I started working there. The guy eventually was fired for sexual harassment of female co-workers (a real catch of a guy!).

My point is....if real remorse is found, a healthy person does what Mr. Olwen is doing....they actively choose differently. If not, they operate like his AP is doing....like MY wifes exAP is doing (found yet another woman to have an A with).

It is comforting to know your husbands AP has no more control or draw in his life.

Good news....thanks for sharing.

God be with us all.

olwen posted 12/7/2013 07:05 AM

Thanks all, he is doing so well

Looks like she is still bouncing from man to man to woman. She claims to be a lesbian but I don't think she knows herself well enough to even know her true sexuality.

She just sees relationships and sex as a way to manipulate people to get what she wants.

I don't think she even knows what she wants.

Would be sad if she wasn't so destructive.

H has chosen to work on our marriage and she is out there taking whatever she can get.

We know who will be happy in the end and it wont be her!

That's her problem though, not ours any longer.

[This message edited by olwen at 7:14 AM, December 7th (Saturday)]