We got back in touch about 6 weeks ago, talked about getting back together, slept together, stupidly. Have been talking off and on all this time.
Last night he tells me he's getting serious with a new person he's dating. I didn't know there was one. He needs to cut me out.
I'm in a lot of pain. I know this is ridiculous and that I've put up with too much, but I'm having such a hard time letting go, detaching, finding anger. I'm just so heartbroken that again, he's choosing someone else over me. I keep torturing myself. With the thought that now, he'll finally begin a healthy relationship. Honestly?? I keep thinking that it's me, messed-up, crazy me, while he's just trying to get out and get healthy. Even my own behavior during our split and the last few weeks is convincing me that i am the broken, unhealthy one. does that make sense? Do any of you further along have words of comfort, anger, or wisdom? Thanks as always.
Seriously girl. Fuck that guy!! It's not messed up you, it's messed up HIM!! How he treats you is NOT what should determine how you feel about yourself. He's purposefully trying to make you feel crazy. What a cruel POS..
I would say to NEVER be his backup plan again. He's a piece of shit, and you need to stop letting him manipulate and hurt you. Sounds like he's just messing around with you when he doesn't have a different toy to play with. FTG!!!!
Be glad he showed you who he is before you were M or had kids, it doesn't look like he plans of giving up his cheating ways anytime soon.
Take care of yourself. I know this has to be so painful, like rejection mixed with d-day all over again.
"And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be."
- Sarah McMane
But let's think about this. He's consorting with you WHILE he is "getting serious" about this other person? WTF? I'd venture to guess that this new girlfriend had no idea he was seeing you. I'd venture to guess that she thought he was being faithful to her as their relationship developed.
He's shown you, again, that HE is the broken one. Oh, sure, you have some dings and dents. We all do in the aftermath of infidelity. But what kind of sick fuck plays the games he is playing - with BOTH of you women? Was he getting some kind of ego boost out of it?
NC. NC. NC.
"We're not broken, just bent, and we can learn to love again" ~Pink
I'm so sorry. Remove yourself from him. You are worth far more. ANd, I'm sure he's a smooth talker. This is not normal behavior.
[This message edited by libertyrocks at 5:58 PM, December 5th (Thursday)]
As someone on here told me when I was leaving The Princess: "It's like slamming your hand in a car door. Hurt, didn't it? Remember that feeling and keep your hands clear."
You can and will rise above this.
The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous!
In his quest for freedom, he set me free!
He's a user, a liar and a cheat
I am having an incredibly, incredibly hard time coming around to this understanding, despite all the recent glaring evidence. I am frustrating even myself. Until he left, it was not something in a million years I would have believed about him, and I'm very, very slow to get there. I remember feeling so lucky to have found such a "good guy," and many others told me the same thing about him and our relationship: such a great person, such a compatible match, two people so in alignment, etc. Letting go of this - whatever it was - illusion? Ending? Change? Has been nearly impossible for me.
My story aside though, I'm curious about some of your experiences with this, like WastedTime12 mentioned.
There was almost some strange comfort when he was with the OW, because I knew how dysfunctional it was. How did you all feel when they got the next partner (and the next and the next)?
Ugh - even writing this, I know what you're going to say, and that it's true. It doesn't matter. Him and his girlfriends and his life and his WHATEVER are not my concern. Still, all of these things I'm trying to grasp with my rational mind are so hard to grasp with my emotional mind.
I would find that much more difficult to deal with. When I was still sleeping with WH it was like I felt I absolutely couldn't let go of anything. Now, I see him sometimes and its much easier to deal with, even if he's acting nice. He still tries to get affectionate to see if I give him a similar signal, but I ignore it.
But I fell into that trap before, thinkjing he wanted to get back together because he was attempting to sleep with me, but he was actually cake eating. Using me. In his mind, not in a horrible or cruel way, but he knew he wasn't ready to commit to R, so why not have sex? They don't always think that sex is a dangerous thing, they are comfortable with you, still have strong feelings for you and don't see the harm in sleeping with you. But they are already in a different place in their mind, then you are. Different motive. Yours is to reconnect but theirs is to have sex, feel good, keep you hanging on to be a back up, etc...
I didn't believe the man I was with almost 20 years would consider using me...but he did.
How did you all feel when they got the next partner (and the next and the next)?
Bottom line - he is effed up, whether he's with the OW or with someone else. And key to that effedupedness is the fact that he seems to be spending ZERO time alone, in counseling, or in any way other than looking for the next "port" where he could dock. If he keeps moving, he doesn't have to be alone with himself, KWIM?
Hugs honey. It does get easier. I promise you that.