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The Snake is a judgemental hypocrite!!!!

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careerlady posted 12/5/2013 15:53 PM

Ok so the background is I let DS fall off the bed a few months ago and he ended up hospitalized with a little bleeding in his head. I feel TERRIBLE about it. The Snake LOVES to throw it in my face saying things like "you almost killed the baby with your carelessness". I know it was a mistake and he's verbally abusive so I try not to let it affect me. Mind you, the Snake has had DS in the kitchen while cooking and let him get burned on 2 separate occasions but no one is supposed to bring that up

My dad was walking with DS when DS stumbled and hit his face on the concrete. He has some scratches on his nose so I had to text the Snake. He says "I'm so sick and tired of this. I need someone sensible to take care of him. I'm tired of the lack of foresight for danger and preventing them". I say "Unfortunately accidents happen. My dad feels bad about it. It's a reason to always have his hand walking on concrete" because he doesn't always hold DS's hand either. He says "I'm done with this conversation" he hasn't responded to any of my texts (about the nanny, etc) since then and that was last night. It makes me soooo mad cause he acts like he's Mr. Perfect and he's NOT. He leaves his clothes everywhere and never washes dishes but complains if there is a spot on a fork or the refrigerator needs cleaning out. He never appreciates anything people do but he's the first person to criticize if you make a mistake!

I know everything bad with DS will be my fault and he'll credit himself for the good. I don't feel the love anymore but have to figure out how to make him stop getting to me or this will be a miserable 17 years of co parenting! My mom recommended codependent no more. Going to read it and hope it works. Gah!!!!!

Lostandpregnant posted 12/5/2013 15:58 PM

That's just stupid.
I've had 5 kids. I can't even count the number of scrapes and bruises and bumps..welcome to childhood.
It is certainly not a sign of neglect (I mean, in a normal amount of bumps and bangs, etc)..he's obviously looking for reasons to make you feel like crap.
I'm assuming this is child #1 for you guys?

careerlady posted 12/5/2013 16:04 PM

Yes first and only child. I work in the ER and know it's normal stuff but he attributes everything to "carelessness". Except his stuff. Which is understandable of course! Even when he kicked DS's scooter while he was still holding it and made him fall

StillLivin posted 12/5/2013 16:06 PM

Seriously, OMG I would crack up laughing at him and then tell him what an idiot he is.
Kids have accidents. Simple.

Holly-Isis posted 12/5/2013 16:15 PM


Kids that age are notorious for bumps and bruises. They haven mastered the fine art of walking yet but their confidence level is as if they have. So they get ahead of themselves.

And those big heads (proportionately) knock them off balance.

nowiknow23 posted 12/5/2013 16:15 PM

You're still working through the D, right? I would be VERY careful with this guy. Make sure your L knows everything that has happened both on your watch and Snake's. Document everything. Every scratch, every splinter, every everything. Something about his comments made a shiver go up my spine - like he might be going after custody? Hope I'm way off on that one.

Also, drop "coparenting" from your vocabulary. This guy is a control freak and is (at a minimum) verbally abusive to you, and that means he isn't a candidate for coparenting.

Start reading up on parallel parenting. ((((careerlady))))

StillLivin posted 12/5/2013 16:16 PM

And those big heads (proportionately) knock them off balance.

hang in there. (((careerlady)))

HurtsButImOK posted 12/5/2013 16:51 PM

I dont have personal experience with the situation but loved the scene when the dads are talking in "What to expect when you are expecting" (or whatever the movie title was) about the kid falling off the change table but being relieved it wasnt on their watch. I suspect 'oopsies' happen a lot.

As cautioned though it sounds like Snake is looking to use this as ammunition. Document everything and keep your wits about you.

Lostandpregnant posted 12/5/2013 16:58 PM

I agree with the others in regards to documentation..sounds like he's trying to set the stage for that a valid concern for you?

GabyBaby posted 12/5/2013 17:01 PM

Personally, I'd stop texting him about these types of things. It wasn't an emergency, so the summary of what happened could have been handled in person at the next kidlet handoff.

I too think you should be very careful. From the comments he's made, he could be making a play for full custody. Watch your back.

careerlady posted 12/5/2013 18:37 PM

Thanks all. The Snake has been like this since before the subject of divorce came up. He was mad at me for a long time cause I nicked one of DS's fingertips when cutting his nail (but when he did it it was understandable). I texted him so he would have time to calm down by the time he got back instead of blowing up on my mom tomorrow while I'm at work.

I don't know about custody. I know he'd love to let his mom and him raise him but he travels most days of the week and shows little interest in DS. He questioned my clause about moving to SoCal in the petition and said he'd fight me but ultimately he said it was "too much trouble" to respond and I'm currently doing default paperwork. He never mentioned he wanted custody, it would cramp his style since the court wouldn't let him take DS from me and simply hand him off to his mom. Watching my back nonetheless and took pictures of the last set of burns.

jemimapd posted 12/5/2013 18:48 PM

I second what everyone has said about documenting this. I think your response was very good: factual and sensible.

I suspect that he's going to calm down a bit after the divorce. It's bound to be super-tense right now with the in-house separation.

Sorry you are going through this.

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