Sorry I just got typing
Actually yes, I do, Thanks for checking in with me. I was even able to talk to my H about our session.
Now it is very hard for him to do that cause like he says it becomes a jumble pile of feelings for him. From resentment that we have to be here to why didn't you do this before to glad that I am finally and sad that I feel this way, to angry that this reminds him of what Ive done, just to name a few.
And yet he says to me "I want you to be able to talk to me."
And we talked more on how he's feeling as well.
Today though I am feeling tired , nervous to write out my assignment, I think I need a day, my energy level is low so it keeps hitting me over and over. So I am giving myself this afternoon to have a mind break, getting stuff ready to make homemade perogies , so need to be ready , kids home in less than 4 hours.
Perhaps some of me is scared to , not sure,
And yes I think she is good, I got further in 1 hour than I have in the 7 months with the other.
Imade a huge connection today, that I thought to myself really, you never put that together? Insane
At 8 is when it all started. Or at least changed, I think. It shows me the first thing I remember as my life being disconnected.
the CSA started then nothing huge, but enough(obviously) and this is also when Grade 2School started to suck, I remember just not something? Don't have a word for it.Grade 2 I was sitting in front of a chalk board , We were doing assignment on the board, and I peed my pants, mortified, felt alienated. Had not want to ask to go , didn't want to be seen. And this was also when I remember Mrs.Gee phoning my mom and saying, I am not sure what is going on but something is wrong with Joan and there is nothing bad going on at school, she's good at her work, and yet she's not part of the group.
Bam this morning. I was 8 I was in grade 2, I have never put these two young girls together!!!!! I finally understand why I have always felt different in school, why I allways kept to myself. Cause I WAS Different.
I don't know if any of this makes sense. But its one of those OMG I want to curl up and cry and hold my 8 year old self
[This message edited by Joanh at 1:03 PM, December 6th (Friday)]