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loosing hope

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Lmw9808 posted 12/5/2013 20:29 PM

My BW is so depressed I think she is loosing hope in any possibility of a future for us. It hurts so much to see her in this pain. She wants to know what is good about me to stay for. I was in my A for so long I am having a hard time coming up with what I have done that is good. It is so gut wrenching. I don't know what to do to help her see a positive future.

BaxtersBFF posted 12/6/2013 00:51 AM

Sorry you are having a rough time right now.

5-years is a long time. It's been a while now since the A ended right? What have you done to work through all of this? How have you changed? How can she believe that you are in the M and will be from now on?

It is generally believed that there should be a certain amount of time in which major decisions shouldn't be made. For some, it is a year, for others it may be six months. That is going to be up to your BW.

And because of that, you have to work on you. You have to do this for you. In so doing, you may hit on that one thing that your BW believes will be worth it for her to stay.

Lmw9808 posted 12/6/2013 09:54 AM

thank you for the support. Some background.
the A has been over for a bit over 6 months. In that time I have read several books and am now on my second IC looking for answers to help me understand what I did why I did it and how I could do it. You hit the issue right on the head. My BW does not feel safe with me. I remain hopeful I will be able to find the thing or things that will help her feel safe.

Aubrie posted 12/6/2013 19:42 PM

Lmw, I think it's gonna take time. That terrible 4 letter word.

I applaud you for doing what you've done so far. Just need to keep doing it. Be honest, consistent, and show her every day that you've changed and that you are now safe. kwim?

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