Sorry you are having a rough time right now.
5-years is a long time. It's been a while now since the A ended right? What have you done to work through all of this? How have you changed? How can she believe that you are in the M and will be from now on?
It is generally believed that there should be a certain amount of time in which major decisions shouldn't be made. For some, it is a year, for others it may be six months. That is going to be up to your BW.
And because of that, you have to work on you. You have to do this for you. In so doing, you may hit on that one thing that your BW believes will be worth it for her to stay.