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Newest Member: RoreverBlue (61146)

User Topic: loosing hope
♂ 41255
Member # 41255
Default  Posted: 8:29 PM, December 5th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My BW is so depressed I think she is loosing hope in any possibility of a future for us. It hurts so much to see her in this pain. She wants to know what is good about me to stay for. I was in my A for so long I am having a hard time coming up with what I have done that is good. It is so gut wrenching. I don't know what to do to help her see a positive future.

Me - WH 44
Her - BS 45
Married 19 years
D-Day 5/18/13 5 year LTA

Posts: 16 | Registered: Nov 2013
♂ 26859
Member # 26859
Default  Posted: 12:51 AM, December 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry you are having a rough time right now.

5-years is a long time. It's been a while now since the A ended right? What have you done to work through all of this? How have you changed? How can she believe that you are in the M and will be from now on?

It is generally believed that there should be a certain amount of time in which major decisions shouldn't be made. For some, it is a year, for others it may be six months. That is going to be up to your BW.

And because of that, you have to work on you. You have to do this for you. In so doing, you may hit on that one thing that your BW believes will be worth it for her to stay.

WH - 46 (crap...)
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6114 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Tri-Cities
♂ 41255
Member # 41255
Default  Posted: 9:54 AM, December 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thank you for the support. Some background.
the A has been over for a bit over 6 months. In that time I have read several books and am now on my second IC looking for answers to help me understand what I did why I did it and how I could do it. You hit the issue right on the head. My BW does not feel safe with me. I remain hopeful I will be able to find the thing or things that will help her feel safe.

Me - WH 44
Her - BS 45
Married 19 years
D-Day 5/18/13 5 year LTA

Posts: 16 | Registered: Nov 2013
♀ 33886
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, December 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lmw, I think it's gonna take time. That terrible 4 letter word.

I applaud you for doing what you've done so far. Just need to keep doing it. Be honest, consistent, and show her every day that you've changed and that you are now safe. kwim?

This is the hall of mirrors. Where you will face yourself. Buckle up.

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

Posts: 7909 | Registered: Nov 2011
Topic Posts: 4

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