"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

Gottagetthrough posted 12/5/2013 21:34 PM

Say you are a SAHM and also homeschool.

Is it reasonable for your hubby to demand dinner on the table every night?

throw in the kids were in a Christmas Pageant tonight.... Is dinner still expected?

[This message edited by Gottagetthrough at 9:38 PM, December 5th (Thursday)]

ThoughtIKnewYa posted 12/5/2013 21:44 PM

How old is he?? Probably old enough to get his own food, no??

PricklePatch posted 12/5/2013 21:54 PM

I have homeschoolers, in the past and currently do. I think the issue in our home is budget. Then again, my Fwh has always pitched in. If you have a more traditional in my mind 1950s agreement then yes. In my house it is about the budget.

Nature_Girl posted 12/5/2013 21:54 PM

EVERY night? Hell no. Most nights? Yes.

thisisterrible posted 12/5/2013 21:59 PM

I was a SAHM, (before my kids were old enough to go to school, although I hadn't plan to homeschool them anyway).

I took care of the kids and house all day; my STBXH worked out of the home all day. I considered having dinner ready to be part of my "job", along with doing the bills, the laundry, cleaning, etc.

If you never made dinner and you're a SAHM, I think your husband would be justified in getting annoyed. But if we're talking one night a week or so where you just couldn't get around to cooking, I think that's totally reasonable and expected. There's going to be times that dinner just doesn't get put on the table. Shit happens at a job where you're a SAHM just like shit happens at a job in a company, and somedays you just can't get everything done.

I'm pretty sure your husband can survive on a bowl of cereal - that he can pour himself - once in a while. And don't feel guilty - it's awesome that you're a SAHM and homeschooling! Your children are lucky!!

[This message edited by thisisterrible at 10:01 PM, December 5th (Thursday)]

ThoughtIKnewYa posted 12/5/2013 22:00 PM

I just wanted to say that I saw your original post before you edited it and I think he's being unreasonable.

Lionne posted 12/5/2013 22:06 PM

Wait.

demand dinner

Last time I allowed anyone to DEMAND I do them a service they were 2 years old and I quickly taught them how to ask politely.

OK. So, sure, I see that someone who is home has a bit more opportunity to stick something in the oven while juggling kids, curriculum and THE WHOLE FRIGGING HOUSE RESPONSIBILITIES but Lord help us, any adult with half a brain and a set of eyes and ears on modern media has to know that a SAHP works DAMN HARD with little or no free time.

The partner who works outside the home can and should pitch in a fair amount to plan thee meals, and help with the preparation. He/she can do some of the work the night before and get a crockpot thing going.

But DEMAND? Hell no.

Gottagetthrough posted 12/5/2013 23:10 PM

I also pick out his clothes every day (if he plans to leave before im awake, he wakes me up to do this)

I made him lunch today... does that soften the blow of no dinner?

He totally degraded me infront of the kids.

What a d-bag, he is actually up now looking for the iphone charger. I said something shitty (you should have looked for that before 12 at night) and he said "Its easy for you, you don't have responsibilities"

And he topped that off with calleing me a worthless piece of shit

ThoughtIKnewYa posted 12/5/2013 23:15 PM

NO! That is absolutely unacceptable!!

What is WRONG with him?????

ThoughtIKnewYa posted 12/5/2013 23:28 PM

OK. I've cooled off a bit, now.

Is he taking his meds correctly?? Is he ALWAYS like this?? Because I'm here to tell you this is not normal, nor is it acceptable.

I personally know two people who were diagnosed as bi-polar (one is my sister) who continued with unacceptable behavior after diagnosis. Actually, there were three and they all ended up being NPD.

betrayedfriend posted 12/5/2013 23:32 PM

I'm a SAHM too, I don't homeschool, but my two yr old keeps me crazy busy all day. IMHO your h is acting entitled. No responsibilities?! I suggest that you immediately stop getting his clothes for him and I'm assuming you're doing his laundry too... That shit needs to stop, he's a big boy who can do for himself. If he gives you flack about it, you can always say that the things you've stopped doing for him will give you more time for dinner prep. But honestly my gut reaction is that he's rude and has no freaking clue how busy you are all day. Maybe you should go on strike for everything but yours and your kids' needs.

gonnabe2016 posted 12/5/2013 23:35 PM

And he topped that off with calling me a worthless piece of shit

Well, alrighty then. That man would NEVER eat another morsel of food that I cooked. EVER.

I also pick out his clothes every day...if he plans to leave before im awake, he wakes me up to do this

Again...
He is a *big boy* who is perfectly capable of dressing his own fucking self.

Gotta, your hubby is an abusive ass.

Nature_Girl posted 12/5/2013 23:35 PM

My EX treated me like that. I wish I'd had more courage to stand up to him & tell him to STFU when he got like that. I homeschooled three children, but he felt that equated to me doing absolutely nothing all day and wasting his money on food & utilities needlessly. I wish, oh I wish, I'd have kicked him in the balls at least once.

He was so abusive to me. Please, don't let your husband abuse you, too.

ThoughtIKnewYa posted 12/5/2013 23:37 PM

I used to run around making myself nuts trying to be the perfect woman for my H.

One night, I made him a WONDERFUL dinner and timed it just so it would be ready when he entered the house. Right on time, he called to say he was coming home. He worked about three minutes away.

...About half an hour later, I drove to his work to find him having a beer with co-workers. I talked to him, he didn't "get it", so I drove home and put this fabulous meal down the disposal.

He came home right behind me and was bombarded by the smell and totally confused as to WHY I threw it away.

He didn't respect me. He didn't deserve it.

I tell you, that was the LAST time he told me he was coming home when he wasn't. And it was the last time he took stuff like that for granted.

[This message edited by ThoughtIKnewYa at 11:54 PM, December 5th (Thursday)]

Gottagetthrough posted 12/6/2013 00:11 AM

growing up his mom did EVERYTHING for him. His entitlement, he grew up with that.

he grew up expecting this stuff. His family lived with the normal nuclear family, plus grandma, great grandma and aunt. Dinner was always on the table, because there were 4 SAHMs in the house!

Gottagetthrough posted 12/6/2013 00:14 AM

and the deal is, he has a huge project going in at work tomorrow. After that's over, he will apologize and say how much I do, blah blah

at thanksgiving my family said he clings to me and its like I have another child

I do believe he is taking his meds correctly, and I would not be surprised if he is NPD

Mama_of_3_Kids posted 12/6/2013 05:59 AM

When I was a SAHM, Do3K NEVER demanded dinner at any time. He knew I worked just as hard as him, during the day, and was quite patient if supper wasn't ready when he got home. Had he ever DEMANDED it, it would have gone over like a lead balloon

Aubrie posted 12/6/2013 08:12 AM

Homeschooling SAHM here.

Is it reasonable for your hubby to demand dinner on the table every night?

Nope. Not in the least. Crap happens, kids get sick, you get exhausted, doctor appointments go long, you get stuck in traffic while running from soccer to ballet.

Demand? Pshhh, he can starve or fix it himself.

I also pick out his clothes every day

What is he, 3? Can he not figure out that the pink and purple plaid doesn't go with the orange polka dots?

He totally degraded me infront of the kids.

Punishable by maiming and/or dismemberment.

"Its easy for you, you don't have responsibilities"

How did you not kill him on the spot? Gawd that line chaps my hide. Cause ya know, we totally sit on the couch all day long watching soaps and eating bonbons.

And he topped that off with calleing me a worthless piece of shit

Freeeeedoooommmm! That line right there absolves you from doing anything ever again for that jerk. If you're worthless, he sure doesn't want you touching his food, clothes, and chargers riiiight? You might contaminate them. Better to err on the side of caution and leave him to fend for himself from this point on.

I have another child

That's my dad. Mother does everythinggggg for him. Oh you want breakfast? Ok. Oh you need your shoes? Ok. Oh you need me work on those reports for management that you were supposed to do 3 weeks ago? Ok. (NOT kidding! SHE does all his paperwork. He would have been FIRED had she not been his slave, doing his paperwork for free) Oh you want dinner? Ok. I'll also plate it and serve it to you while you sit on the couch playing on your ipad. Oh you want coffee? Sure. What? A special dessert right now? Ok, I'll run to the store, get the ingredients, and make it at 7 at night. You can't find the hammer you used last night? You left it on the table didn't you? No? Ok, I'll go search for it while I also make your special dessert, while you sit on the couch playing with your ipad.

I kid you not. I exaggerate not. Every. Single. Day.

Look, life gets stressful and we all loose our cool. Shoot, noone's perfect. But he has absolutely ZERO right to abuse you. There are other outlets for stress without making our families feel like utter trash.

(((Gotta)))

Gottagetthrough posted 12/6/2013 08:20 AM

Oh you want dinner? Ok. I'll also plate it and serve it to you while you sit on the couch playing on your ipad.

Do this ALL THE TIME

Lostandpregnant posted 12/6/2013 08:57 AM

Mine fully expected a clean house, clean laundry (no laundry build up), dinner and meals done, his coffee ready for him in the AM, etc, on top of me having a toddler, an autistic child, and 3 other neurotypical children, and homeschooling.