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There is no reconciling with my WH. I've come to the decision that whatever time I have left on this earth, I don't want to spend it with him. Every time he opens his mouth, I swear a lie comes flying out of it. So, I'm done. This is it. I'm in therapy, drawing angry drawings, and taking long stomping walks. WHEN AM I GONNA STOP FEELING LIKE A CRAZY PERSON? I'm not a crazy person. Seriously, I'm not!

This is awful. I don't want to do this to my kids. They don't deserve this. But I cannot be with this lying liar who lies most of the time. It's making me sick. My blood pressure is out of control. I've been drying retching today and I just hate it. I'm loosing weight because I can't eat. This is a shitty diet. I don't want to loose weight this way. I can't sleep. Sometimes I feel like a dead man walking. I have panic attacks and the chills. I'm taking Xanax every day. My heart is absolutely shattered. I have so much rage and hate for my WH, it's awful. I want out. I want to get away from him. This is going to take months. I gotta hold it together and ride the evil D I V O R C E ride.

I want to be like those crazy Italian women in the old movies - smashing plates, breaking vases, and chasing their husbands with rolling pins. I SO WANT TO ACT OUT. I won't though. I have children with my WH so we're going to be in each other's lives forever. I don't want to do something I'm going to regret later. I'm going to be a good girl. Sigh...

WHAT ELSE CAN I DO TO RELEASE THESE FEELINGS!!! I feel like I'm being cooked alive - from the inside! HELP! This is horrible awful terrible and scary! I picked out my lawyer today and I feel like shit.

Exercise can be a great stress relief during this time. Can you try a kickboxing class, zumba or something really tiring? Either a dvd, video on demand, you tube, or an actual class would work.

Or just go for a walk.

The whole process of divorce sucks. It just does. It sucks for the kids, especially. You need to be able to handle the stress constructively.

Hang in there.

Exercise. Find something that you can do that takes LOTS of energy. Get a plastic baseball bat and beat the hell out of your pillows. I was "lucky" in that when my DDay went down, I was training for a 60 mile Breast Cancer walk. I walked miles and miles, sometimes ranting to myself like a crazy woman. But when your adrenalin starts flowing, you need to do something physical to get it out.

If you're in a place where you can't, something that has helped me is to find myself a quiet corner, clench my fists, and then squeeze every muscle in my body as tight as I can for about 5 seconds, face too. Totally squeeze everything until your muscles are shaking, then relax, flap your arms a bit and shake out your legs. That can sometimes take the edge off.