Me - BW 49
H is remorseful. He has done what I asked him to. He has tried again and again to reassure me that he loves me and can't be without me. But.....I was still so insecure. Nothing he could do or say would fill that void. I was constantly watching him and wondering what that look meant, the smile meant, why did he laugh, what is he thinking, what does he think of me, does he think of her.... I was never satisified for long because something would always happen to start me worrying again. So unhealthy, pointless and exhausting!
He didn't make me insecure, I always have been a little, he just gave me an excuse to allow my insecurities full rein. He can't fix that. All he can do is to provide me a safe place to fix it myself. He has done that. The rest is up to me.
SO I JUST STOPPED! I stopped looking to him for reassurance. I have started to look to myself, my own abilities, my own qualities, for happiness and security. Whether I love myself, that is what really matters.I am worthy of loving so why wouldn't he love me? If he doesn't it is HIS loss not mine.
It's like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders and I can stand up straight and look ahead.
(Title was meant to read 'I have come to an understanding!!)
[This message edited by watersofavalon at 6:06 AM, December 6th (Friday)]
H - 52
T 31 years
M 21 years
3 children from 11 to 17.
EA with coworker for 6m maybe longer. She was 25!!
Reconciling. Hard work isn't it?