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H is remorseful. He has done what I asked him to. He has tried again and again to reassure me that he loves me and can't be without me. But.....I was still so insecure. Nothing he could do or say would fill that void. I was constantly watching him and wondering what that look meant, the smile meant, why did he laugh, what is he thinking, what does he think of me, does he think of her.... I was never satisified for long because something would always happen to start me worrying again. So unhealthy, pointless and exhausting!

He didn't make me insecure, I always have been a little, he just gave me an excuse to allow my insecurities full rein. He can't fix that. All he can do is to provide me a safe place to fix it myself. He has done that. The rest is up to me.

SO I JUST STOPPED! I stopped looking to him for reassurance. I have started to look to myself, my own abilities, my own qualities, for happiness and security. Whether I love myself, that is what really matters.I am worthy of loving so why wouldn't he love me? If he doesn't it is HIS loss not mine.

It's like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders and I can stand up straight and look ahead.

(Title was meant to read 'I have come to an understanding!!)

[This message edited by watersofavalon at 6:06 AM, December 6th (Friday)]

Huge. Awesome. Congratulations.

I am happy for you.

It's a good feeling, yes?

It's amazing!! I keep smiling at random people and singing to myself.

Thanks for posting this, I needed the reminder.

It's amazing to see that when we turn our attention to ourselves, the result is often a sounder, more respectful interaction with our spouse. We do need to be working on ourselves, but the WS needs to be understanding and supportive of us when we are acting looney or feeling unable to change our focus.

It's the least they can do.

this is something i needed to hear...thanku ... im happy you shared this and your post is spot on ..i bookmarked this and need to read this often...

great post! Yes, we BS need to recover ourselves, worth and love. Great inspiration there!

Thanks. This is a great reminder for me.

I could have written the top part of your post. I think I'll have to give the bottom part a try.

Thanks for all your replies.

One amazing thing that has come about as a result (I think) of this is H has been more spontaneously physically affectionate. He is doing things like stroking my hair as he walks past, rubbing my feet when we sit on the sofa, little non-sexual things that make me feel safe and loved. He was walking on eggshells for so long I think he was wary of approaching me, I think that now he has sensed I have relaxed and let go of the fear.

Excellent waters, I love this and you have really helped me so thank you.