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movingfast posted 12/6/2013 06:14 AM

Divorce was finalized in May. Life had been taking shape in a good way. Still issues with xwh and his controlling ways and my job hunt, but the rest of my life was happy.I was happy.

Wednesday morning, xwh asked to come by for a talk. My mind raced as to what he wanted to discuss....was he marrying OW? Breaking up with her? Something related to his business? Taking me back to court for a different schedule with the kids? I wasn't sure, but I knew I could handle it. After all, I've come this far, right?

Xwh gave me the one piece of news I never expected....he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and prognosis to only having 12-18 months to live!! :'( I never hated xwh, through all of our almost 3 year mess. I had forgiven him and accepted that I would always love the part of him that lived on in our children. So, this was a huge blow! We talked and cried for over an hour. He may marry OW, just because she said she'd stay with him and be there for him until the end.

I'm still struggling with it all. He's no longer "mine" so, although I'll be there with the kids as much as he wants us, I'm not "going through" this with him. Yet, I'm still mourning. This is tragic for our children who aren't old enough to be without their Dad. And, selfish as it sounds, what about me? It's all going to be up to me to raise our children and not let this tragedy have a negative effect on them. I can falter and I can't let anything happen to me or they will have nobody! My family is not close by and we're not that close. For the first time, I feel "alone". I have friends, but that's not the same as having someone you can call to "back you up" in the case of an emergency.

Prayers for my xwh are welcome.

Hope24 posted 12/6/2013 06:38 AM

Pancreatic cancer is absolutely devastating and deadly. One of my best friends passed away last year from this horrible disease. He was only 41 and left behind a little boy. Just awful.

My advice would be to get your children (and yourself) into counseling as soon as possible. If you have a Gilda's Club in your area, that is a wonderful resource for children and families to share their struggles with others who have a family member with cancer. It's especially important for children to know they are not alone and that other kids face this too.

I am so very sorry. Prayers for you, your sweet children and your exH.

(((Movingfast and family)))

cmego posted 12/6/2013 07:13 AM

(((movingfast)))

No words, just hugs.

5454real posted 12/6/2013 07:27 AM

you and yours will be in my thoughts and prayers.

(((Movingfast and family)))

macakipa posted 12/6/2013 07:32 AM

I'm so sorry movingfast. Sending you strength to navigate through this emotional time...(((hugs)))

Brandon808 posted 12/6/2013 07:41 AM

My thoughts and prayers for you and your family.

veelop5 posted 12/6/2013 07:59 AM

Sending you prayers...So sad:-(

ISPIFFD posted 12/6/2013 09:06 AM

((((((movingfast and family)))))))

Helen of Troy posted 12/6/2013 09:09 AM

Forgive me, I don't mean to seem insensitive but have you verified his story?
I've seen things play out here and don't trust wss' words.

lost4now posted 12/6/2013 09:10 AM

I will pray for you, your children and your exH. I am so sorry to hear of this awful news. Stay strong!

little turtle posted 12/6/2013 09:16 AM

(((movingfast)))

abbycadabby posted 12/6/2013 10:00 AM

(((movingfast)))

nowiknow23 posted 12/6/2013 10:04 AM

((((movingfast & kids)))) Keeping you all in my thoughts.

sparkysable posted 12/6/2013 10:34 AM

I would be sure that you verify that this story is actually true. Too many times, WS's have been dying of cancer....when they really haven't been.

I'm always expecting my XWH to come at me with this one when he has used up all his other lines of ego boosts.

Exit Wounds posted 12/6/2013 13:24 PM

Hugs and more hugs

movingfast posted 12/6/2013 17:48 PM

Thank you for all the hugs, prayers and support. Also thank you for the mention of counseling. I hadn't even thought that far yet.

Just because news travels fast in a small town, we'll probably tell the kids this weekend so they don't overhear it from someone else. Aside from the devastation of having to tell our children such news, this will take place at ow's house (where xwh lives) with xwh, ow and myself. I have not even spoken ow's name since I found out about the A and we certainly haven't even talked or exchanged eye contact. We've been in the same room, but that room was a gymnasium. You get the picture. In addition to everything else that is going on emotionally right now, dealing with ow is not something I want to be doing. But, she's vowed to stay with xwh through this (what else would she do? Kick him out?) so dealing with her is something else I'll have to adjust to.

As far as those questioning the validity of the story...there is no question. He's getting the chemo port put in next week. Even without that, despite the fact lying is the very basis of having an A, xwh is not one to lie. He also would never put our children through this if it wasn't true. xwh has many faults and hurt me in multiple ways, however, I can honestly say, the only 4 people on this earth that he truly loves are our 4 children. Beyond them, he really does not understand love, never has. Blame it on his personality, his upbringing, whatever, but he just doesn't understand or love. Or at least he didn't until we had children. He would gladly lay down his life for them and is highly concerned how the kids and I are going to fare once he's gone...financially, emotionally, all of it. He's doing what he can to ensure we'll be okay.

notmeanymore posted 12/6/2013 19:01 PM

First off, I'm sorry that you and your family are going through this.

I would be concerned about him marrying the OW. If he dies after marrying her will she be entitled to money that would've gone to your kids?

sinsof thefather posted 12/7/2013 08:32 AM

Why does the OW have to be there when you tell your children? Wouldn't it be best if this was done in their own house with only their parents there for such devastating news?

movingfast posted 12/7/2013 08:43 AM

I wish I had a good reason why of had to be there and not thing them in my home (the kids home). I think xwh is making a "statement" by having of there. Like its do amazing she's going to go through this with him? I'm not sure, because I know once xwh passes, she won't be part of the kids lives. As far as the location, xwh said he didn't want to tell the kids and leave. He wanted to have that time after to be with them. I'm torn on that because they are used to coming to me for comfort. For big news like that, all the kids would camp out on my bedroom to reinforce we are family. They can't do that there, because of the sleeping arrangements (ie xwh and on sleeping in the same bed).

It's only the beginning if things I'm sure I won't agree with him on. But, he's the one dieing. I can't tell him how to do it. I can't even imagine what he's going through.

HurtsButImOK posted 12/7/2013 10:57 AM

movingfast

I am so sorry for what you and your darling kids are going through. Sorry too for your XWH.

If I may be presumptuous though, you are allowed to still have boundaries. Keeping them is not disrespectful to him or short changing him in anyway. Sometimes they can be necessary to prevent resentment once a person has passed. Having them does not mean you cared less or supported less, it means you are being true to you and doing what is best for your children in the long run.

((movingfast and kids))