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Lostandpregnant..the saga continues.

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Lostandpregnant posted 12/6/2013 06:14 AM

He returned from his vacation with the one he left me for.
I woke up today to a barrage of emails and venom that blew my mind.
Not one "I'm sorry" or how are the kids. And yes, I had his emails set to filter directly to the trash, but I made the mistake of checking "all mail".
In the emails:
Not one word of responsibility.
6 emails full of everything I have ever done in our entire relationship to "wrong" him.
Emails filled with how much better his life is for leaving me.
He even sent one that said "thanks for ruining a perfectly good song for me, now I can never listen to that again", because I had sent him a song.

I'm blown away that this person who was my best friend, the love of my life..loathes me and disposed of me in the most cruel, calculating way imaginable.

I'm just in shock. Physically and emotionally.

cricketinturmoil posted 12/6/2013 06:17 AM

God, he's a piece of work (or another four letter word that I would like to say). I'm so sorry he's treating you this way. I just don't understand how callous he can be to you, knowing you're pregnant and carrying twins. HIS twins.

Sending love and light.

devasted30 posted 12/6/2013 06:20 AM

Wow. His head is so far up his a.s that I doubt it will ever come out. How can he breath that way. What a horrible situation for you - I am so sorry that you are going through this. ((((HUGS))))

JerseyCowgirl posted 12/6/2013 06:25 AM

He's mad and probably found out that the nice grass on the other side of that fence needs to be cut too...after spending a week with her! Keep your dignity and grace I know that is within you and do not respond to those emails and be prepared for more...it's evident his little vacation did not go well...you see what he is now so show him what you are made of!

ruby44 posted 12/6/2013 06:25 AM

Print off the emails, put them away in an envelope only to be opened if he comes crawling back. It will fuel you if he tries.
Cricket noises....silence, not responding to anything he says is the best response to give.
Remember you think he is NPD, ignore, ignore, ignore.
You can get thru this, we all can.
Hugs LandP

Lostandpregnant posted 12/6/2013 06:34 AM

He would never come crawling back. He isn't capable of humility.

whichwaysup posted 12/6/2013 06:40 AM

On this particular type of man I can actually advise from what I've seen for the last 20yrs w/ my parents. My dad treated mom the same way. He was awful, blaming her, mentally abusing, flaunting the OW in her face. He thought he was hot shit (picking us kids up in OWs BMW convertible while mom worked 2 jobs to keep a roof over our head & feed us). Absolute ignorance. BUT, (even though it took many years) karma did not treat him well & my mom is happily remarried & doing better then she ever would have w/ him. He married the OW, who became nothing but a pill seeking hypochondriac addict.
It may take years but you will prevail happier & better then ever, and karma will eventually catch up to your WH w/ a vengeance!
Stay strong mama!

nekorb posted 12/6/2013 06:42 AM

Just…WOW.

Im in shock with you.

I sometimes wonder if the BS's nasty behavior is some sort of "put-on" with the idea that f the treat us like complete crap, we will better be able to let go of them emotionally.

I dont think they get that it just makes us more heartbroken and wounded.

I'm sorry he did that to you.

(How are your BABIES doing????? )

Lostandpregnant posted 12/6/2013 07:10 AM

I think it's his way of justifying his horrific behaviour, and being able to have zero guilt.

The babies are ok as far as I know. Next appointment is next wednesday.
Weighed myself this AM, I'm down 20lbs in 18 days now :/

NoAnswers37 posted 12/6/2013 07:18 AM

Oh honey I am so s sorry about all this!

I think you're right - it's a way of him not seeing himself as the bad guy, which HE CLEARLY IS!!! Grrrr.

Try and eat a little more if you can, I know it's hard at this time ((hugs))

Lostandpregnant posted 12/6/2013 07:19 AM

I feel sick.

Lalagirl posted 12/6/2013 07:23 AM

((((LaP))))

Oh honey, please call your OB (or I assume you're seeing a MFM specialist) and see if you can get in sooner. They may need to intervene to get you the nutrition you and the babies need. In the meantime, try to get down some Ensure.

Oh how I wish I could personally wring your WH's neck! This is probably one of the worst cases of cruelty from a WS that I have "witnessed" on this site.

I am so sorry.

solus sto posted 12/6/2013 07:29 AM

Woowwwwwww..Sounds like there is trouble in paradise, if he has to work so very hard to convince himself (and you) that your life was so horrible and what he's got now is so very Right and True and Good. ( )

I'm not going to say you shouldn't have read the garbage because, frankly, I needed to see garbage like that to quiet the cognitive dissonance in my mind. Though I now see a zillion red flags in the rearview mirror, I was blindsided by Trac-Fone's terminal betrayal, and I needed to see who he really was. It took a while, and it was extraordinarily painful, but it did help me come to grips with ...well, the reality of the situation. That being, I was married to a selfish, entitled, personality-disordered prick who treated me like crap. (Even when he "wasn't"--when we were "good"---he was waging a campaign against me both in his head and behind my back. I, like you, stood no chance.)

I'm so sorry you have been treated this way. But there is positive that will come from seeing his true colors. It will help free you.

Millions of hugs to you.

ETA: The Pure unflavored protein from bariatriceating.com can be added to any liquid and packs a good protein wallop. Their chocolate Inspire protein (and other flavors--I just like the chocolate) has 30 g of protein per serving and only needs 4 ounces of liquid. You can choke down 4 ounces of liquid. These supplements are light years higher in quality than the supplements you can buy in most stores---well worth seeking out the high-quality whey protein isolate. Add a good-quality prenatal vitamin and plenty of fluid (and rest----rest when you can!), and you and your babies will fare well.

With my last pregnancy (and in retrospect, Trac-Fone was cheating then), our lives were in real turmoil, and I not only did not gain, but I lost. I left the OR weighing significantly less than I did pre-pregnancy. Significantly. The stress level rivaled that post d-day (for different reasons, though there was infidelity), and I was so so SO worried--even though my OB reassured me. (The antenatal OB nurses were aghast, though.) I ended up having a baby that was larger and healthier than my first--the product of a peaceful pregnancy with adequate gain.

Our bodies protect our babies beautifully. But it can be at OUR expense. You need to stay healthy for your new babes AND your others...so please do what you can to care for yourself. You deserve it---and your husband should NOT be permitted to destroy your health. Don't let him have THAT victory, as well. (Mine kind of took pleasure in my pain and deterioration. I suspect yours might get some perverse ego gratification from it, as well. You know, having that kind of POWER over you and all. DON'T LET HIM.)

[This message edited by solus sto at 7:38 AM, December 6th (Friday)]

Lostandpregnant posted 12/6/2013 07:38 AM

One of the hardest parts of all this, is still having to help my autistic son get thru each day, look after a very busy toddler, homeschool two kids, and be the mom of all 5 and still have to do laundry, and dishes, and cleaning, and meals, and everything, when I can barely function and I'm exhausted..and the whole pregnant with twins thing.

It's all too much, you guys. I can't do it all.

I'm not those horrible things he said I am. So why does it still kill me to read them? Why does it make me feel worthless and disposable and horrible?

How do I process this?

I know these are all rhetorical questions..I'm just really fucked up right now.

Also, I feel the need to say that whilst I swear like a sailor on here, I don't swear in front of my kids at all :P

Lostandpregnant posted 12/6/2013 07:45 AM

Also, Lala- I am drinking high protein boost that they put me on. I promise.

NoAnswers37 posted 12/6/2013 07:46 AM

Swear as much as you need with us - get it all out lady!!

I wish I could swing by and give you some help sweetie - can anyone else take care of things for a few hours whist you rest?

I agree with another poster about telling your doc about everything, just so they can get you the help you and your babies need.

You are a superwoman, I have no doubts, and that man is a deluded fool. But, of course it hurts, you are human.

[This message edited by NoAnswers37 at 7:46 AM, December 6th (Friday)]

Lostandpregnant posted 12/6/2013 08:08 AM

Solus- I just saw what you edited to add, I will check that out, thank you.
All of my babies that I've had so far were between 9-10lbs, and at my last check they told me these are not small twins, so that is good news. They are obviously getting what they need from my giant amount of extras :P

Noanswers- I truly don't have anyone that can do that. I've not been in this area for too long, and my BFF that I had here took her own life (that was a trauma of it's own...she dropped her kids off to me to play with mine, and never came back..she went home and took her life..I had to tell her babies)...anyways, she was my biggest help and support, we helped each other with our kids, etc.

I'm too traumatized right now to try to make new friends..lol.

NoAnswers37 posted 12/6/2013 08:17 AM

Oh goodness, I can't believe what you have been through, I am so sorry about your friend.

Of course now is not friend making time (apart from with all of us!!) but I just wish I had an answer for you to help somehow! I'm really living up to my name...

Just wish we could help somehow.

(((HUGS!!)))

Lostandpregnant posted 12/6/2013 08:19 AM

You're helping by listening. And letting me have a space that I can unload all this.
Truly.

OK now posted 12/6/2013 08:38 AM

You need to get angry at the vile things he has said to you even though you are carrying his babies. What an utter monster; maybe he is hoping you will miscarry and free him of some 'obligations'.

See a lawyer with the instruction to nail his ass to the wall. Wring every dollar you can from his worthless hide. give him something to really complain about.

There is nothing wrong with revenge in this particular case.

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