Didn't even work on HIS family...no-one who really knows me has been taken in.
Finally reached indifference & looking forward to my new beginning
I'm glad in your case they saw through it. Maybe someday they will in mine as well..at least he's in another country now and I don't have to face it :P
Knowing what it was changed everything and saved my sanity. I was able to distance myself and depersonalize his attacks.
In my case, taking the high road and keeping quiet was empowering him to keep up his smear campaign.
So I changed my approach. For every smear email he sent out to my friends and family, I forwarded his emails to me apologizing, begging me to stay, admitting what he did. I even marched into court with some key emails neatly documented.
Through his own words, everyone finally saw how he has been manipulating them. It was a great strategy because now no one believes him, they all see him for who he really is (myself and the court included). He finally gave up.
His family? That was tough. They KNOW he's a complete ass, but he's still family, so they flip flop. They want to believe him, and sometimes get sucked into his BS, but as has happened before, he is currently estranged from them, and his mother is going through me to see the kids since he refused to let her see them. I don't care how much I ever argue with his mother, I would never keep her from the kids..
Really, it's just the dummy OW I'm tired of him lying to about me. I just have to block and ignore the bitch cause she has no fucking clue what's really going on..
Some people matter, and I will defend myself to them. But some people don't, so they get dropped from my life.
I think the best thing I learned from articles like the one you posted is to not act crazy or get all antsy when defending yourself. I know it's frustrating and gets your heart pounding to hear the crazy lies, but I think an eyeroll works better at convincing people who is telling the truth..
His lawyer so often told mine that I'm crazy & on anti-depressants that my lawyer actually believed him. The thing is, though, that I'm not crazy and have never been on anti-depressants. My lawyer was shocked to find this out, and I got a bit pissed at him for being taken in like that.
And then there's how he's told everyone, including the children, all kinds of lies about me. All kinds of nonsense that's actually a projection of what's wrong with him. But his kind of personality disorder makes him very convincing. Luckily people who know me already aren't taken in by his lies, and people who take a moment to try & get my side of the story immediately see that he's been lying to them. Except my children. My children are being torn in two because of EX's unrelenting triangulation and ongoing campaign. It breaks my heart.
I learned a long time ago that he can say whatever he wants, that doesn't make it true. In fact if he's the one who is talking you can bet money it isn't true.
I am happy and enjoying my life, his opinion no longer relevant.
I see it clearly now, though. If she had thought she was in a troubled marriage, she would have come to me to talk about it, not slander me behind my back. No, the problem wasn't a troubled marriage (even though there were things that objectively could have been better). It was that she needed to play the victim in order to preserve her social image in the wake of the divorce. She had to get out ahead of it and get people on her side before she began the long, manipulative process of maneuvering towards the door and giving me the boot.
I am envious of some of the people who say that their mutual friends didn't buy the bullshit. I'm sad to say that most of the people who were exposed to it swallowed it hook, line, and sinker. I lost a lot of friends to this. I'm really sorry you're going through it.
He makes me feel so violated and dirty especially when I think back to how "loving" he was before.
Sending all going thru this huge hugs!
For a long time, a part of me was very concerned about the injustice of this.
And then I realized that I care less about having the record set straight than I care about being free from his crazy.
Oddly, becoming free from his crazy has completely removed his loser friends from my sphere, as well.
Yes. For years, unbeknownst to me, Trac-Fone waged a campaign against me. It was always with people who did not know me, and would never know me--though they think they do.
Yes he did this with his work colleagues...who are now his closest friends.
Silly example? He's passive aggressive, procrastinates and often 'loses' other people's things because they're not important to him.
So, he'd help tidy up and put something I'd need away in the wrong place, always a different place. I'd be looking for whatever it was and couldn't find it anywhere. This would happen a lot. Sometimes I needed whatever it was to be able to go out, cook, etc. Mostly I made do, but sometimes I couldn't. On those RARE occasions, I'd ring him at work and ask if he knew where it was. He ALWAYS replied that he didn't know. He never offered any suggestions. I'd tell him that I really needed it. He would ask if I'd looked for it. I'd be getting more annoyed and he'd keep on like this, with me trying to get blood out of a stone. Eventually he'd 'remember' or tell me to buy a new [whatever it was].
But he'd passive aggressively try to provoke me all the time. So sometimes I did get annoyed. If I did, (I now know, because he told me) he'd hold the phone away from him and look at co-workers to get sympathy. Then he'd have a coffee with a female co-worker and moan about me, playing the victim.
I take full ownership of my choice to phone him at work and to get angry. But he deliberately manipulated me for years to lay the groundwork for his A and to paint me as a horrible nagging wife.
When I realised that phoning him at work wasn't ok and didn't help, I stopped. At that point, he started phoning me at home, telling me important things he'd 'forgotten' to do...again trying to get a reaction. I always asked if he was somewhere private. He always told me he was. Sometimes he was. Then he'd come out of the room looking upset/down because I'd made him feel bad (even if I was calm - he felt bad). Sometimes other people were around and he'd try and provoke me. Really despicable.
At first, I did care what these people thought about me. But I don't any more. He made me into a straw man that he could set on fire. They don't know the real me, I don't know them and, hell, they don't even know the real WH. It's all a fantasy and it's why he kept me separate from them.