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Sammy2013 (original poster member #41040) posted at 9:07 PM on Friday, December 6th, 2013
I was having issues with mental movies during sex. We had to stop a couple of times because I couldn't do it. Got a lot of great advice on here but it was always so exhausting mentally to have sex. Then I started utilizing wine. It was much easier for me to embrace the "Screw you OW, he's mine!" mentality with a couple glasses of wine in you. LOL
Well, last night we actually made love. I pushed her from my mind, just calmly looked at her (in my mind obviously) and said "Enough. He's my husband. He loves me. He doesn't want you, he never really did. You aren't welcome here anymore." and then watched her fade. Then it was everything it should be and it was just the two of us there mentally again. So I have hope. But I am still scared because we are so close to DDay. I'm scared this is a weird fog for us and it will get bad again. And I'm hoping it wasn't a one time deal. But I did it with no wine. hahahaha
But here's to being hopeful!!
WH -42;BS (me) 43
Married 17 years, 3 kiddos
First DDay 9/13. TT and 3 more DDays in the 6 months to follow. Reconciled in year 4 of the 2-5 year range.
SisterMilkshake ( member #30024) posted at 9:15 PM on Friday, December 6th, 2013
I have found that once I was able to stop the mind movie the first time, each subsequent time was easier. That is how it worked for me so hopefully you will have the same experience.
I am so happy for you that you were able to stop the mind movie and enjoy making love, especially without wine. YAY for Sammy and MrSammy. 
BW (me) & FWH both over half a century; married several decades; children
d-day 3/10; LTA (7 years?)
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson
heartbroken2012 ( member #38089) posted at 9:48 PM on Friday, December 6th, 2013
BS(Me)
WH(Him)
OW - (former co worker of WH)
Dday: Dec 2012
bionicgal ( member #39803) posted at 9:49 PM on Friday, December 6th, 2013
Applause!!!!
Mine come and go -- sometimes a few flashes, sometimes a "wonder if they did this. . ". Glad to hear you had some peace!
me - BS (45) - DDay - June 2013
A was 2+ months, EA/PA
In MC & Reconciling
"Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point to move forward." -- C.S. Lewis.
TheAmazingWondertwin ( member #40769) posted at 10:16 PM on Friday, December 6th, 2013
Yay Sammy!!!
It was much easier for me to embrace the "Screw you OW, he's mine!" mentality with a couple glasses of wine in you
.
That was my strategy in the beginning. it definitely helped me get through some of the worst times in the beginning. I also took the attitude of "If this is happening, I am getting something out of it." (New attitude for me, as I have never been very selfish or demanding in bed.) Man, I've learned all kinds of wonderful things about asking for what you want. 
Sorry, TMI?
And I agree with Sister - once I did it the first time, each time after that became easier and easier.
We still had hiccups, depending on what our talks were about that night. The nights I asked for more details, or she tried to stalk him were a little more difficult.
But when things are ok and we are in a good place, our intimacy has been really something special- not HB- its more "real" now. It has really been helping us and now I am with bionicgal- a few flashes of "did they do this?" and then I shake my brain and get back into the program.
I am so very happy for you! Enjoy him and enjoy yourself! This is a wonderful thing to celebrate
Just call me Wonder
If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.
The axe "forgets"- the tree remembers.
Divorced and super good with tha
2 DS- 15 and 16
DDay 1- 07-24-2013
DDay 2- June something or other 2017
Angel177 ( member #37274) posted at 11:18 PM on Friday, December 6th, 2013
Wow!! That's great!! It is starting to get a little better for me but I can't get rid of her completely....maybe someday.
Me:BS
Him:WH
D-Day Sept. 14/12...R started Dec. 3/12
D-Day 2 Oct. 12/19 different OW
In limbo
steadfast1973 ( member #24719) posted at 12:00 AM on Saturday, December 7th, 2013
I'm on the wagon, so wine is not an option for me. But I do try and focus on my memories of me and him... They are more pleasant...
Me- 42- BS Him- 38- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 multi EAs, likely PA, trickle truth, d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute Separated 1/2017
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah"
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