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Newest Member: Tabbi (51793)

User Topic: I did it! (sex and mental movies)
♀ 41040
Member # 41040
Default  Posted: 3:07 PM, December 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was having issues with mental movies during sex. We had to stop a couple of times because I couldn't do it. Got a lot of great advice on here but it was always so exhausting mentally to have sex. Then I started utilizing wine. It was much easier for me to embrace the "Screw you OW, he's mine!" mentality with a couple glasses of wine in you. LOL

Well, last night we actually made love. I pushed her from my mind, just calmly looked at her (in my mind obviously) and said "Enough. He's my husband. He loves me. He doesn't want you, he never really did. You aren't welcome here anymore." and then watched her fade. Then it was everything it should be and it was just the two of us there mentally again. So I have hope. But I am still scared because we are so close to DDay. I'm scared this is a weird fog for us and it will get bad again. And I'm hoping it wasn't a one time deal. But I did it with no wine. hahahaha

But here's to being hopeful!!

WH -38; BS (me) 40
Married 14 years, 3 kiddos
First DDay 9/13. 3 more in the 6 months to follow. Multiple EAs, 2 PA's (co worker and family friend), prostitutes, private massages. Entire marriage was a lie. Sex Addiction diagnosis.
Trying to R.

Posts: 250 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Southeast United States
♀ 30024
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 3:15 PM, December 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have found that once I was able to stop the mind movie the first time, each subsequent time was easier. That is how it worked for me so hopefully you will have the same experience.

I am so happy for you that you were able to stop the mind movie and enjoy making love, especially without wine. YAY for Sammy and MrSammy.

BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4-7yrs. /fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson

Posts: 11739 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
♀ 38089
Member # 38089
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, December 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wish I could do this.

BS(Me) - 32
WS(HUbbie) - 40
OW - 44 (a ugly, old, white trash horse faced Coworker)
Affair was 2 months long
3 kids - 5yr old, and twins 8 months
Dday - 12/25/12 (lots of signs before I should have seen)

Posts: 595 | Registered: Jan 2013
♀ 39803
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, December 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine come and go -- sometimes a few flashes, sometimes a "wonder if they did this. . ". Glad to hear you had some peace!

me - BS (45) - DDay - June 2013
A was 2+ months, EA/PA
In MC & Reconciling
"Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point to move forward." -- C.S. Lewis.

Posts: 3101 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
♀ 40769
Member # 40769
Default  Posted: 4:16 PM, December 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yay Sammy!!!

It was much easier for me to embrace the "Screw you OW, he's mine!" mentality with a couple glasses of wine in you

That was my strategy in the beginning. it definitely helped me get through some of the worst times in the beginning. I also took the attitude of "If this is happening, I am getting something out of it." (New attitude for me, as I have never been very selfish or demanding in bed.) Man, I've learned all kinds of wonderful things about asking for what you want. Sorry, TMI?

And I agree with Sister - once I did it the first time, each time after that became easier and easier.

We still had hiccups, depending on what our talks were about that night. The nights I asked for more details, or she tried to stalk him were a little more difficult.

But when things are ok and we are in a good place, our intimacy has been really something special- not HB- its more "real" now. It has really been helping us and now I am with bionicgal- a few flashes of "did they do this?" and then I shake my brain and get back into the program.
I am so very happy for you! Enjoy him and enjoy yourself! This is a wonderful thing to celebrate

Take care of you. Then worry about your M.
Me- FBS 40
Him- FWS 37
15 years
DD- 14 and DS- 13
DDay- 07-24-2013
NC broken from August 6- 24, 2013
full truth: November 14, 2013
A: 3 months
Working on R

Posts: 953 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: East Coast
♀ 37274
Member # 37274
Default  Posted: 5:18 PM, December 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow!! That's great!! It is starting to get a little better for me but I can't get rid of her completely....maybe someday.

D-Day Sept. 14/12...R started Dec. 3/12
Together-10 years Married-5 years
Son-13 months (died July 2, 2014)
Son-born Jan. 2015
4 month EA and 4 month EA/PA in 2012 with my "friend"

Posts: 255 | Registered: Oct 2012
♀ 24719
Member # 24719
Happy  Posted: 6:00 PM, December 6th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm on the wagon, so wine is not an option for me. But I do try and focus on my memories of me and him... They are more pleasant...

Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2290 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 7

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