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Sammy2013 posted 12/6/2013 15:07 PM

I was having issues with mental movies during sex. We had to stop a couple of times because I couldn't do it. Got a lot of great advice on here but it was always so exhausting mentally to have sex. Then I started utilizing wine. It was much easier for me to embrace the "Screw you OW, he's mine!" mentality with a couple glasses of wine in you. LOL

Well, last night we actually made love. I pushed her from my mind, just calmly looked at her (in my mind obviously) and said "Enough. He's my husband. He loves me. He doesn't want you, he never really did. You aren't welcome here anymore." and then watched her fade. Then it was everything it should be and it was just the two of us there mentally again. So I have hope. But I am still scared because we are so close to DDay. I'm scared this is a weird fog for us and it will get bad again. And I'm hoping it wasn't a one time deal. But I did it with no wine. hahahaha

But here's to being hopeful!!

SisterMilkshake posted 12/6/2013 15:15 PM

I have found that once I was able to stop the mind movie the first time, each subsequent time was easier. That is how it worked for me so hopefully you will have the same experience.

I am so happy for you that you were able to stop the mind movie and enjoy making love, especially without wine. YAY for Sammy and MrSammy.

heartbroken2012 posted 12/6/2013 15:48 PM

I wish I could do this.

bionicgal posted 12/6/2013 15:49 PM

Applause!!!!
Mine come and go -- sometimes a few flashes, sometimes a "wonder if they did this. . ". Glad to hear you had some peace!

TheAmazingWondertwin posted 12/6/2013 16:16 PM

Yay Sammy!!!

It was much easier for me to embrace the "Screw you OW, he's mine!" mentality with a couple glasses of wine in you

That was my strategy in the beginning. it definitely helped me get through some of the worst times in the beginning. I also took the attitude of "If this is happening, I am getting something out of it." (New attitude for me, as I have never been very selfish or demanding in bed.) Man, I've learned all kinds of wonderful things about asking for what you want. Sorry, TMI?

And I agree with Sister - once I did it the first time, each time after that became easier and easier.

We still had hiccups, depending on what our talks were about that night. The nights I asked for more details, or she tried to stalk him were a little more difficult.

But when things are ok and we are in a good place, our intimacy has been really something special- not HB- its more "real" now. It has really been helping us and now I am with bionicgal- a few flashes of "did they do this?" and then I shake my brain and get back into the program.
I am so very happy for you! Enjoy him and enjoy yourself! This is a wonderful thing to celebrate

Angel177 posted 12/6/2013 17:18 PM

Wow!! That's great!! It is starting to get a little better for me but I can't get rid of her completely....maybe someday.

steadfast1973 posted 12/6/2013 18:00 PM

I'm on the wagon, so wine is not an option for me. But I do try and focus on my memories of me and him... They are more pleasant...