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Found out OW has job next to WS job

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industriousbee posted 12/6/2013 18:27 PM

Today I found out the OW is working at the convenience store next to my husbands work. The same place she worked out when the affair started. I confronted WS about it this evening and he said he didn't want to tell me because he didn't want me to think he was keeping track of her. He said he was warned by the manager that she would be the assistant manager again. He says hr Judy's wants her out of his life and that he has not been to that store since finding out. I am obviously extremely upset he kept this from me. A setback like this is really making me want to call it quits. Am I over reacting?

RedRose posted 12/6/2013 19:11 PM

I don't think you are overreacting - he should have told you as soon as he found out she would be working there.

Dare2Trust posted 12/7/2013 01:36 AM

This reasonsing (excuse?) by your WH:

he said he didn't want to tell me because he didn't want me to think he was keeping track of her
Is extremely weak - in my opinion!

Dreamland posted 12/7/2013 01:56 AM

I am sorry.. I would be outraged. Are you sure it's over???

blakesteele posted 12/7/2013 05:24 AM

he didn't want to tell me because he didn't want me to think he was keeping track of her.

...really him saying-- I don't like to see the pain I have caused, don't like to face the choices I have made....so I wont.

You are not overreacting. The whole thought that a WS knows what is best for a BS to know is a throw back to how they operated while in their affair. It must completely stop for the new pains to stop...

How did you find out?

God be with us all.

p.s. We are all human, we will stumble as we learn to R. We will stumble in our marriages in the future. So on the flip side of my statements above....it is unhealthy to expect perfection from yourself or your husband. This is a good opportunity to change the rules of your situation. No fueling up at the convenience store, no interaction with this store at all. etc.

Find a way to admit the start of how this fact was discovered was less-then ideal, but move into how your finish can be healthy and marriage affirming.

industriousbee posted 12/7/2013 06:08 AM

Thank you for your replies here. I don't think he would have anything to do with this girl any longer but am definitely more suspicious after this setback. I think it is more of

...really him saying-- I don't like to see the pain I have caused, don't like to face the choices I have made....so I wont
The reason I am confident in saying this is because I regularly track his location with the find my iphone application. He has been rugsweeping for an entire year so this attitude is more of the same.

OK now I have to tell on myself how I found out. I went to see a customer today (I am in outside sales) and his office is right next to the OW new job at a different kind of store. I did not have a pre meditated plan to stop in there but I did. I justified it by telling my self I needed to buy some ibuprofen and some water. I asked the lady at the counter when the OW was normally there. She told me it was less and less lately because she had gone back to her old job. Since this is a safe place I will finish telling on myself. When the lady at the counter asked me how I knew her I said "Oh, I dont really know her, she's just a slut that helped ruin my marriage." Backstory here is that she was well aware of our marriage, pregnancy (when the affair started), and of my daughter. She assured my husband no one would find out because she was engaged and she would make sure it didn't get out.

OptimisticWife posted 12/7/2013 06:10 AM

I don't think you're over reacting. If he told you the truth when the manager told him, he would have shown you great communication and honesty. i wouldn't have thought he was keeping tabs on her if someone told him and he wasn't seeking information himself.

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