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He won't make a plan

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SusanR posted 12/6/2013 19:55 PM

My WH asked me to get a legal separation instead of a divorce back in April. I just got the final agreement from the attorney's office this week. I agreed to a separation instead of a divorce if he promised to get counseling for SA. He has been going to counseling but now is asking what my long term plans for "us" are.

I have told him repeatedly since April that he is going to have to figure out a plan, maybe with his counselors help, that would allow me to trust him again. I told him that It might not even be possible. I don't know. I know I have no plans besides putting one foot in front of the other each day. I tried for years and made plans to try to save our marriage and he sabotaged them all.

He says he is working with his counselor to identify the "triggers" that lead him to cheat. Am I wrong to find that insufficient?

I am an alcoholic but I've been sober for many years because I gave up trying to analyze the why. I just know I can't pick up the first drink and that way I will stay sober. That is my boundary.

Am I wrong to think he needs to find his boundary against infidelity? I know he is sorry and ashamed of himself and doesn't want a repeat. I was all those things when I was drinking and it just wasn't enough. I will always have "triggers" but, as long as I don't pick up that first drink, I am safe. I can't seem to get him to understand that.

So, today when he acknowledged no real effort to develop a plan, I emailed him the separation papers. If he signs the papers, things will move pretty fast now. I think I need this to happen. I need something to happen. The status quo is killing me.

[This message edited by SusanR at 7:58 PM, December 6th (Friday)]

nowiknow23 posted 12/6/2013 19:57 PM

((((SusanR)))) Sending you strength, honey.

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