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Another A, another 'friend'

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BAB61 posted 12/7/2013 03:11 AM

So, we were starting R, we have our first MC date on the 11th. I have been snooping on his computer, with his 'full' cooperation. He wipes things constantly I've discovered. To night I got home after midnight because our girls are at church for a lock-in. Just for the security of it I pulled up his fb. Started going back on one particular 'friend's' page. WooBoy ... turns out he has had sex with her numerous times, and she's been a guest in our home. One of the times he had sex with her, the next night she stayed here. My girls consider her an 'Aunt' ... damn have I been duped. I'm not stupid, but he's a fucking amazing liar!

I am not even attempting R at this point ... serial cheater, flat-out liar, and a fucking asshole for bringing his 'women' around me and my girls. He's messed up! I knew he had issues, I seriously didn't think this was one of them. Boy oh boy was I wrong.

DDAY 2 - 12/7/2013 - Started back in 2010....

I'm so fucking pissed I pulled a pic down off the wall and ripped him out of it, shredded his pic and threw it in the recycle. I know, that doesn't sound too intense .. but it felt good. I'm not going to do what I really want because I want to make sure I get custody of my girls. They have a piano recital tomorrow, and rehearsal for a play that opens next weekend. The timing couldn't get worse. I'm really not sure I should let him know that I know about this other affair, but I don't want to even talk to him any longer. He can go back to his mancave and Skype his sluts ...
My reason for maybe not saying anything to him at this point is I don't want my girls to be more upset. The other side of that is that I don't want them to lose respect for me.

Nailinmyforehead posted 12/7/2013 04:12 AM

Crap, I am sorry this happened. I want you to know that hear you and am praying for you and your girls. This stuff sucks, and it always seems that just when you think you get a bit of breathing room and a little relief for just a moment, you get kicked in the stomach all over again. Stay focused on the good things with the girls and the recital and play. Stay strong, Sister.

BAB61 posted 12/7/2013 05:56 AM

Thanks Nailinmyforehead! Yeah, I was just getting my feet back under me ... TT big time. I really, really DESPISE lying, so imma jump this ship! So not worth another freaking day! The only good things at this point are my girls ... we're going to circle the wagons and lock & load! I appreciate your prayers! ((((HUGS))))))

jjct posted 12/7/2013 09:04 AM

The other reason for not saying anything - is it will give you time to get your ducks in a row without drama.
Same thing as protecting the littles, really, isn't it?
They don't need to witness or experience his drama.
Strength to you to get free!

TheClimb posted 12/7/2013 09:12 AM

Your girls won't lose respect for you, only him, the stupid piece of shit.

Confront when you want, or not at all. I am assuming that you have copies of all the evidence you found on Facebook. Might be fun to take all of that to your attorney and let him/her file for adultery. Have stupid piece of shit served at work.... his own sweet little D-Day #2. For good measure, I would have the whore served as well, maybe with some yummy interrogatories requesting where, when and how many times they had sex!

They think they are so clever going behind your back, I say see how much they like it. You are going to be fine; your girls already know that you are the bomb. Dad on the other hand.....

Lola88 posted 12/7/2013 09:23 AM

What an idiot he is! Did he really expect to get away with this a second time? He doesn't deserve you or your girls - let him know and watch him crawl!

Sending you positive thoughts & hugs

doggiediva posted 12/7/2013 09:32 AM

I am sorry this happened too..
Definitely take the time to focus on the recital and to protect yourself as well.. Maybe you can physically remove yourself and the girls from the house for a few days to spend time with a friend or relative so that you won't have to spend those days face to face with WH..If you haven't already, get your ducks in a row before this liar can read your face and body language to know that something serious is on your mind ..Take out 1/2 of the money from joint finances and file for D before you even confront your WH about the other affair..
One he knows that you are on to him, I suspect he may realize that you won't put up with any more of his shenanigans...You don't want him to leave you financially trapped with just crumbs to live off of while he diverts and hides funds and runs off somewhere to with one of his "women"

BAB61 posted 12/7/2013 09:34 AM

Well, it gets worse. When I told him I wanted a D, he tried to deny. I told him I have proof. He stopped doing anything, wouldn't even respond to my questions. Finally I said "Since it's not going to change anything when did you start cheating on me? He said 10 years ago, 2002 .. which is actually 11. So these 2 out who knows how many ... as many as he could I'd imagine. That's half our married life, what a fucking lying cheating asshole! I'm glad I found out now!

iwillNOT posted 12/7/2013 10:12 AM

What a soulless, selfish lying POS. You gave him the incredible gift of R and he spit on it. Now he has to live with his lies, and you can move forward knowing you did all you could.

I'm so sorry...I am sending you strength.


BAB61 posted 12/12/2013 00:45 AM

Have an app't with a lawyer on Tues... the STBX is gonna be served! Unfortunately I live in a No-Fault state.... hoping to get the mandatory separation waived....

staystrong101 posted 12/12/2013 12:07 PM

Hang in there BAB!
Your story sounds similar to mine. WH was drunk and sexting with OW #1. A very explicit text went to our DD17 and me. After many lies, he finally admitted to 4.5 year A with this one (I still think it was longer), also a friend. Later I found out there were 2 more OW in the pipeline. He was getting tired and annoyed w OW #1 so for the past year he was working on these other 2. One of them was also a friend. He admitted he's been "open" to A for about 20 years of our 23 year marriage. He had no guilt bc "all men do this, it doesn't mean anything." I just want to say to you - be calm, cool, but hold onto that anger. The anger is what gets me out of bed in the morning. The anger gave me the courage to file for D. I'll admit it's scary to be on my own. My job has always been our 2nd income because I did 99% of raising the kids. My WH was just starting to make great $ and is doing great in his career. I know some people would have stayed for the financial security. But I stayed up all night thinking, and I thought about my 4 kids. What would I tell one of my girls if they were married to a lying, cheating, self-centered a**. I would tell them to move on with their lives, because they deserve much better than that. It sounds like your WH took you for granted, like mine did. Good for you, for being an example to your girls. Keep your dignity and move on with your life.

HurtButHopeful? posted 12/12/2013 12:41 PM

I'm so sorry he has been doing that for so long. I understand your wanting to wait until your daughter's recitals. They need to focus and not be worried. You are doing the right thing by kicking his a** to the curb when the time is right for you. Your daughters are awesome and strong. They stood by you during the first Dday, and they will completely understand this time. You deserve to be respected and cherished.


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