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Trying to figure it out

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Harriet posted 12/7/2013 09:29 AM

My ex broke up with his girlfriend a while back. Now I was informed that he has been calling and asking out several of the women he cheated on me with to try to hook back up with them again, and he is also still seeing his former girlfriend who I assume must be heartbroken and lonely to put up with that...or she doesn't know. I am trying to figure out how I feel about it. I think I still have this tiny pilot light (not even a flame) of hope that my ex will come to his senses and be the man I thought, and wish, he was - not so that we can reconcile (we're so past that) but so that I can coparent with him without feeling contempt. This behaviour is really snuffing it out. I just don't know how to feel about it. I don't understand this man. Is he hoping to re-invent the excitement he got off on when he cheated? Is he thinking now that he's "free" he can have all of his multiple relatonships with no consequences? Is he afraid to be alone? And the most important question: why am I wasting my time thinking about it?

devistatedmom posted 12/7/2013 09:46 AM

You being the only one that has called him on his BS, and then held tight and not let him weasel back in means he won't come back because he knows you won't fall for his crap anymore.

He isn't man enough to be alone. It terrifies him. So, rather than find someone to have a healthy relationship with, which would take time, he keeps trying to get someone that fell for his BS before back, because it would take less time than actually doing a relationship the proper way! If he can just get one of the OW to let him back in, he won't have to do all the dating stuff, the hard stuff. He can just fall back in to her life and her bed and it will all be good again.

He's just too broken to step back and look. He just needs some woman to tell him how wonderful he is and stroke his ego. He doesn't know how to do real.

Why are you still wasting time thinking about it? Eh. As long as you are still ranting at's normal. He was part of your life for a long time, and sometimes it's just hard to not hear some of these things and try to figure out WTF they are thinking.

Harriet posted 12/8/2013 00:08 AM

Wow - you have great insight, Devastatedmom, and have also managed to make me feel proud of myself. I was berating myself for dwelling on it, and it feels good to hear that it's normal...or at least understandable. I keep a little book of things that help me stay strong through my down times. I will print out your answer and paste it into my book.

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