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Newest Member: harleyhugs (45741)

User Topic: He asked me to *please* change my last name...
gonnabe2016
♀ 34823
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 11:10 PM, December 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hmmmm. Let me think about that for a second.

Ok.....NO.


If my fucked-up serial-cheating douchebag of a stbx doesn't want to *share* his last name with me....then he is more than f'n welcome to go to the courthouse and change his own damn name 'cause that is the ONLY way that he and I will have separate last names.

Fucking moron. Life is not a graphic novel that you can just *erase* and re-fill in a manner that *suits* you best.....


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8183 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
IrishLass518
♀ 34373
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 11:20 PM, December 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Were we married to the same idiot? My xWH is threatening to pursue legal action to make me stop using his name. Umm, no. Divorce said I keep the name.


Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1800 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
gonnabe2016
♀ 34823
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 11:38 PM, December 7th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My xWH is threatening to pursue legal action to make me stop using his name.

Your xWH is a moron. He cannot *make* you change your name.
There is a box to check on the D paperwork that pertains to a *name change*. The ONLY reason to check *yes* in that box is because it saves $$$ in the event that you decide that you DO want to change your name.

I will share the same last name with my kids until *I* decide that I won't. (and I cannot imagine that day ever coming......) And again. If stbx doesn't like it...he is more than welcome to change HIS name. I've *honored* our name a LOT more than he has anyways.......


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8183 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
careerlady
♀ 16958
Member # 16958
Default  Posted: 12:09 AM, December 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ha. I wish the Snake would have the nerve. Shoulda thought of that before he got married. You have every right to that name. I also want to have the same name as my son so STBX can go suck an egg


Me (BS, 35); The Snake (WS, 36) 13yrs together; 1 baby boy (DOB 7/12)
Serial cheater-Multiple OWs, Multiple D-Days
D by default 5/3/14!
In house 8 mos, moved out 7/1!!!
Summary: http://youtu.be/iaysTVcounI

Posts: 943 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Northern California
worried_lady
♀ 27605
Member # 27605
Default  Posted: 12:39 AM, December 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Really think about it. I didn't change my name in the divorce. I reasoned that I did not want my son to have any reason to not be proud of his name and who he was and if I changed mine what kind of message would that send him. I also figured that sometime maybe in the future I might meet somebody and marry again.

I have been single now 19 years, my son is 32. He is so ashamed of his father that is now in prison, guess what. Yep, he wants to change his name. We may do that together. My maiden name was not so bad and that is what he is wanting to change it to.

Just something to think about.


Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over it became a butterfly.

Posts: 478 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Texas
IrishLass518
♀ 34373
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 12:57 AM, December 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know that he can't make me. He thinks he is going to frighten me into doing what he wants. I really don't care what he wants, it has been my name for over 20 years and I share it with my children. I also have a tattoo on my shoulder that is the match to the one on his arm that bears the last name. So if I did change my last name, I would be using my maiden name with a tattoo of my married name on my shoulder. I am not changing my name. I don't care if he likes it or not. PS he never made nor asked his first wife to stop using the last name. She still uses it to this day and she remarried 2 times after him.


Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1800 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
Housefulloflove
♀ 38458
Member # 38458
Default  Posted: 1:20 AM, December 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What an idiot.

If my fucked-up serial-cheating douchebag of a stbx doesn't want to *share* his last name with me....then he is more than f'n welcome to go to the courthouse and change his own damn name 'cause that is the ONLY way that he and I will have separate last names.

*Insert clapping smiley here*


Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013

Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
Must Survive
♀ 34533
Member # 34533
Default  Posted: 1:55 AM, December 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For me, I never want to be called Mrs...... again.
The name is a trigger for me. I am embarrassed that someone would think I am am related to the moron. So yes I changed my name. My DS understood (I didn't tell him that I hate the name, or embarrassed).

It sucked to change it, I have used it for 17 years, and it is my business name, but very worth it for me.

And as someone on this board said, do I really want to have that name on my tombstone for all eternity?
Not a fu**ing chance.


Me BS
WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorcing, STBXH is engaged/living with OW#3

They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." ó Daenerys Targaryen


Posts: 817 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Must Survive
crazynot
♀ 24572
Member # 24572
Default  Posted: 1:57 AM, December 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I WANT to stop using his name and my kids are right with me. I feel no resentment towards him any more but I want a complete fresh start under my own name. When the divorce is final I want to draw a line under this painful chapter and go forward without any bitterness.


Me - 50
Him - 51
DDay 21 March 2009
Divorcing and delighted!

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it.


Posts: 905 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: UK
Chrysalis123
♀ 27148
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 2:02 AM, December 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What an idiot.
If my fucked-up serial-cheating douchebag of a stbx doesn't want to *share* his last name with me....then he is more than f'n welcome to go to the courthouse and change his own damn name 'cause that is the ONLY way that he and I will have separate last names.
*Insert clapping smiley here*

Gonna, I love how you think.


Donít get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.†

Posts: 2780 | Registered: Jan 2010
SBB
♀ 35229
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 5:00 AM, December 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd rather set my hair alight than keep that fucking ugly name. I would change my girls names if I could. It will be sweeter when they decide to do it themselves later on.

I sure as shit wouldn't have changed it just because he asked me to.

Its just a button to press. Ignore it. You have your reasons and it is none of his damned business.

We've seen BH's on here forced to endure WWs keeping their last names. There's nothing they can do and there's nothing this STBX can do either.

ETA: Maybe if you asked him to *please* fuck off and die he might oblige?

[This message edited by SBB at 6:14 AM, December 8th (Sunday)]


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5658 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
tesla
♀ 34697
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 7:21 AM, December 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What a stupid fuck.

Ex-shat's brother went through a D (not infidelity related) and wanted to demand the same of his soon to be x-wife. I remember looking at him like, "Really? she choose to take your name, she gets to choose when she unloads it."

It's a name. What does he care? It's not like he's royalty or anything....uh...ok, I get in his mind he thinks he's a sultan...but sheesh, he needs to find something more interesting to bother you about.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4743 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
ButterflyGirl
♀ 38377
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 8:05 AM, December 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it's just another insult. My ex asked me to PLEASE change my last name, but he really doesn't give a shit, he just wants to say anything he can to hurt my feelings.

My kids are the only reason I consider keeping it, but when they get out of school in about a decade, I don't think they will care very much at all.. And then there is the ridiculous amount of paperwork required to change my name again, but I shouldn't let that sway my decision.

Anyhoo, you can do whatever you want with your name. Don't consider his wishes as part of your decision at all.. FTG.


xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor

Posts: 2686 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
cayc
♀ 21964
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 8:14 AM, December 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He's worked up all the way to this in his search to try and find something to punish you with for divorcing him? Wow, he really is grasping at straws.

I didn't change my name. It wasn't about children, it was about I was just starting a new job, had filled out reams of paperwork with my married name, had agency ID badges printed, passports printed etc. and the thought of re-doing all that and have to announce to 100s of new colleagues who I barely knew that I was changing my name & not for a happy event was beyond me.

My social media profiles all list me as Cayc Maiden Name Last Name. So over time, my colleagues who have learned what's what have gravitated to calling me by my maiden name. I kind of like it!

I'm one of the one's who wants to re-marry. I figure I'll change it then. Until then, a rose by any other name etc & so forth.


"I'm not afraid of storms, for I'm learning how to sail my ship." - Louisa May Alcott

Posts: 3154 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
gonnabe2016
♀ 34823
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, December 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If I had been the one who disrespected the marriage, then asking me to change my name would be reasonable (IMO). But I didn't, and so it's not.

The request is just one more piece of evidence that proves how arrogant he is.

Funny thing is, I don't really even associate the name with him. It's mine. It's me. It's been my name for almost 1/2 my life. My kids are older and would probably understand if I told them I was going to change it.....but I want to have that connection to them.

But who knows. Maybe at some point after the divorce I'll change my mind about it, but I doubt it. It seems like it would be a humongous pain in the ass to do. I would gladly undertake the task if I thought it would give me a sense of *freedom*, but right now it seems like such a minor issue that it's not worth the effort, kwim?

It is MY choice and MY decision. Period. He can go eat rocks.

a rose by any other name

^^^Ex-Actly. That is how I feel about the issue.


My xWH is threatening to pursue legal action to make me stop using his name. he never made nor asked his first wife to stop using the last name. She still uses it to this day and she remarried 2 times after him

Oh, hey. Was that you who posted about the *legal action* thing a week or so ago? Someone just recently posted about this issue and I remember reading it and thinking ....and then a couple days later I got this (first time ever) request from my own stbx. The timing seemed strange -- like there was some weird atmoshperic thing going on that made crazy people crazier.

And yes, SBB. I just ignored it.....after first.
If he ends up wanting to make a federal case about it and starts harassing me about it.....I'll just buy a bunch of billboard space all over town and plaster my face and name on them just for sport.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8183 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
nowiknow23
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:52 AM, December 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The timing seemed strange -- like there was some weird atmoshperic thing going on that made crazy people crazier.

He's such a maroon, gonnabe.


You can call me NIK

"Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you."
-Walt Whitman


Posts: 26191 | Registered: Aug 2011
IrishLass518
♀ 34373
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 11:02 AM, December 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes that was me it was in my post re: the letter from my xWH.

I agree that he is trying to punish me for daring to divorce him and actually having a good and happy life.

I also feel that the last name is more than him. It's me now, it's my kids, it's the extended family that doesn't want me to change my name, like his mom and his brother. They are supportive of me. It's not all about him and I won't cower down and allow him to have any say over me any longer.

PS I am totally holding my breath waiting to be served those legal papers.

[This message edited by IrishLass518 at 11:13 AM, December 8th (Sunday)]


Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1800 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
little turtle
♀ 15584
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 1:35 PM, December 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I will share the same last name with my kids until *I* decide that I won't.

Exactly.

PS he never made nor asked his first wife to stop using the last name. She still uses it to this day and she remarried 2 times after him.

Funny. My aunt uses her first husband's last name and she's been married 2 times since him.


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4224 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
Gemini71
♀ 40115
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, December 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My STBXH hasn't mentioned anything about last names yet. It's common enough to have a different last name than your kids, that it's not really an issue. I'm planning on hyphenating because I can. Also, as a gesture of respect to my parents who have taken me and my three kids into their home. I'd hyphenate the kids' name if I thought STBXH would let me.

One thing this whole episode has taught me, is that my FOO rocks!


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Double Betrayal D-Day 7/26/2013
Divorced 11/18/2014

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1969 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
Vulcanized
♀ 33523
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 2:18 PM, December 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Were we married to the same idiot? My xWH is threatening to pursue legal action to make me stop using his name. Umm, no. Divorce said I keep the name.

Holy guacamole, we were all M'd to the same ass-goblin.

X Mr. Vulcanized turned bright purple screaming about how I was going to no longer use his name. Hey, OW was cool sharing XH w/me, she can be cool sharing my last name, too. Provided XH actually M's the little piglet ...


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 773 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
Topic Posts: 27
Pages: 1 · 2

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