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Tips on Dealing with Rage?

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jzkc1502 posted 12/8/2013 08:58 AM

Hi All,

My WH and I have been going to MC for about a month and a half now because I can't get over his cheating a few years ago w/ escorts. I've sadly come to terms with that while I really love him, I can't get over it and I don't want to live my life always thinking I need to be checking up and being scared that he'll relapse and cheat again. I've told him a few times I wanted a divorce and each time while he is devastated, he also reacts with extreme rage-throwing things, screaming/yelling, financial threats etc. This reaction scares me so bad that I back down and I just kind of keep on living even though I want a divorce, I'm too scared to bring it up again.

Anyone deal with a WS like this? How did you handle the reactions??

nowiknow23 posted 12/8/2013 10:54 AM

If it were me? I'd be calling the police. If he's raging, he is out of control and could be dangerous. Even if he doesn't hurt you, throwing things is property destruction, and the screaming and name calling is verbal abuse.

Don't put up with it. Protect yourself.

Gajit posted 12/8/2013 11:15 AM

If you want a divorce then file for one. He cannot stop you.

Do you have an exit strategy?

devistatedmom posted 12/8/2013 15:24 PM

You can call the police to get a DV report done. This would at least give you a stepping stone should a restraining order be needed later.

At least go talk to a lawyer, telling them about his anger and outbursts; they may have ways to help you deal with it if you do want to file.

He's bullying you. Only you can stop it. Have a bag packed, and have a place to go in your head incase he does go over the top...but in the mean time, speak to a lawyer. YOu may have more power than you think you do.

Nature_Girl posted 12/8/2013 18:28 PM

I had to deal with that, too. I was in fear for my life! Let me share with you how I got out:

* Absolute secrecy except for a select few. I went to a lawyer & filed secretly. Made sure ex didn't know what I had planned. Part of the filing included me getting temporary exclusive use of the family home, forbidding him from coming back on the property, and temporary full custody of the kids.

* Coordinated with the process server, a few friends & family, a few trusted people at church, and one trusted neighbor, for when The Big Day would happen.

* Followed the steps in my escape plan to be sure I had everything ready.

* When The Big Day came I got up as soon as ex left for work. I had a locksmith come over & change the locks. Rented a PO Box & changed my address. Activated a cell phone for me. Packed up about 10-12 hefty bags of his stuff & put on porch.

* I'd already packed a bag for me & hidden it. So I packed my kids' stuff and we got the hell out of Town!

* Ex came home to his shit Hefty Bagged on the porch and a process server to give him the divorce papers. The kids & I stayed out of town until mutual acquaintances told me ex had calmed down & it would probably be safe for us to come home.

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