SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I really can't stand to see or talk to him. It just feels like it takes me backward emotionally.

Here's what's been happening the last few days -

Thursday I had a phone conference w my L, it went pretty well, we are going to counter pretty much everything he put in the initial D papers, including his reason for dissolution of the marriage as "irreconcilable differences" - even though we live in a no fault state my L suggested we file a counter suit w/adultery listed as reason because he is such a prick and many judges will consider his behavior if he decides to go after custody of kids, etc. Felt pretty good, like I was moving forward. So, after morning conference I started working on some of the financial paperwork I need to get in to L and decided I'd better go thru my bank statements for Oct./Nov. (I always balance my checkbook w/my statements) and discover numerous charges for online gaming sites. Long story but the shortened version is I let DS17 make a 1x purchase back in early October w/my debit card (stupid for many reasons, I know, but what's done is done) - after consulting w/my bank and the site and my son what seems to have happened is DS17 did not realize that they would be continuously charging him for service/product - to the tune of $2,600 + . The gaming site said the service was used so they won't reimburse the charges and if I want my $ back (I explained to them that not only did DS17 not have permission for any additional purchases he is a minor and did NOT understand that there would be continuous charges) - that this is credit card fraud, a felony, and I could file [federal] charges to recoup my losses. Really, against my SON?? Who, BTW, feels absolutely terrible and was pretty much in tears. I am sick to my stomach. My bank is still going to try and get my $ back from this company, but honestly, it doesn't look good. So, I once again took the high road and phoned STBX to tell him because I know he has given DS17 his debit card in the past to make purchases on this site. I wonder if I can/should ask him to cover 1/2 of this loss?? Is that appropriate/reasonable, or even possible??

STBX took the opportunity of my phone call to try to use me to cake-eat some more. TwinS16 had big wrestling tourney this weekend (an annual one in our town)- I am the secretary on the board of our wrestling club, STBX was an at-large member until he chose to give up his position a couple of months ago - our board members always help w/this tournament so asshat decides to start asking me if I'm working the tourney, does he need to come and help, etc. - I simply responded that I called him to give him a heads up on the gaming site, I owe him nothing but was nice enough to warn him to check w the bank regarding his account, and that I did NOT call to be his information supplier regarding the wrestling tournament. I hung up but DAMMIT everytime I have to deal w/him at ALL it upsets me. Someone please tell me this will get better.

After I got checkbook balanced, etc. I had to freaking call him again because TwinS16's car insurance is due on the 11th. I had paid mine and otherTwinS16's the day before and, in light of the above $ crisis, I clearly needed him to pay it. So I called and told him this to which his first offer was to put the $ in my checking account to cover the bill. I thought about this for a minute then said no, I don't even have a debit card right now so can't make a phone payment, I don't have time to stop into insurance office either so YOU can either call and make the payment or go down there and do it. (He has NEVER paid bills - ALWAYS had me do it - but I am DONE doing shit for him) He says sure, no problem, I can do that but would you do me a favor and send me a text reminding me and include the due date so I don't forget? Are you f'ing kidding me????!!!!! We have 4 kids that he does absolutely NOTHING for aside from taking them out for "supper" every few weeks and I asked him to pay ONE BILL and he needs me to REMIND HIM???? I simply hung up. Yes, I realize I am going to have to call the insurance company before the 11th to verify he paid the bill.

Then... Thursday evening after I had literally just finished dealing w/DS17 regarding the gaming site I get a call from TwinS16's wrestling coach that I need to come in and get him from practice as he was acting confused, disoriented, had a headache and was nauseous. No one seemed to know what happened, his drilling partner said he did not think he hit his head (he's had 2 concussions already - not in wrestling - but these were similar symptoms). OtherTwin and I headed in to get him/get his car and I called STBX to give him a heads up on the situation. He asked if I was going to take him in to er and I said I wasn't sure, had to get there and see him, assess the situation, etc. but would let him know. After seeing my son I quickly decided this was different and we'd be going in. As soon as we left the school I made phone calls to other 3 kids telling them to finish making the supper I'd started, that I was taking their brother in and I'd keep them posted, and to call grandma if they needed anything. Just as I was about to call the asshat, he called. I answered and told him I was taking son in to which asshat immediately starts yelling at me about not calling him RIGHT AWAY when I decided to take him in, I, of course, wasted a few minutes attempting to explain to him about calling our other kids to get them lined out before I called him to which he screamed at me some more about how he could have done that [like my mom said, you mean like how he does that all the time? ha, good one mom ] so I hung up on him. Of course he calls right back, I answered, and he asks which er, etc. - um, the same one, the ONLY one, ANY of our kids have EVER been to - then, do I want him to come over there? WTF? Seriously he went completely off on me after this... he just kept asking if I/italic] wanted him to come over there and I just kept responding that it was up to him. It was so ridiculous that I finally just calmly told him you know what's up and where we are going so make your own decision then hung up. He showed up to er about 1/2 hour after we'd gotten settled in and the fun ensued. The tension in our room was palpable. He kept trying to ask DS questions, visit w/him, etc. to which DS must have told him at least a half dozen times - stop talking to me, why don't you just leave. It was sad. I was very calm and just focused my attention on my son and ignored the dumbass in the room but I gotta say I felt really bad for my son. Wow what a moron his father is. Anyway, hypoglycemic episode from him cutting weight stupidly, yes I have addressed this w/his coaches, etc. and it will be handled in an appropriate manner - i.e. he either follows a healthy plan weekly or he will be moving up a weight class. Period. Obviously he didn't get to wrestle this weekend.