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I get it, he does not want to R...I thought that we were trying to do what was best for the kids. We usually spent Christmas home in our pjs all day a true just our family day. So the DDs (12 & 10) wanted to know if Dad was coming for Christmas, in all honesty, I thought it would be good to show the girls that for big days, we could put it all aside for them. So I sent him a note inviting him to the house to watch the girls open presents... no begging nothing just hey if you want to come by Christmas day you are welcome.
Here is his response:
As for the holiday, I have no interest at all to spend it with you. Also, telling them I could be there Christmas Day was inappropriate and I am sure disappointing for them.
I am just so sad for everything right now...I am really looking forward to January...sigh.

((Ruby and girls))

In the future, don't even include him in your plans.

You tried to put it aside and make your kids happy, that's commendable. If you must reply, I would simply say *noted.

Then any time your kids ask to do family things and include him, just say, aww honey, I'm sure dad would rather celebrate that with you on his time. I'm sorry, he's a jerk.

I'm sorry he's such an asshole.

But, I'm glad he reminded you of who he is so you will never fall into this trap again. This is a hard time for the kids and the transition to separate lives with mom and dad is not easy. But, they need to know that those family days have changed. He is not part of your home anymore and you're not part of his.

I know that some people can put feelings aside to have joint holidays and birthdays with the kids. I've never even considered that. We share most of the days and try to be reasonable so that the kids get to spend time with both parents on those days, but never together. I never felt the need to make myself feel bad or uncomfortable in exchange for the kids being confused about reality.

Make new traditions with the kids so that Christmas doesn't remind them of when he was there. This one will be tough, but you will get through.

He's a selfish prick who doesn't deserve to celebrate with you.

((Ruby)) (( your DD's))
It will soon be January and the holidays over.

((((ruby & kiddos))))

What a jerk, wow.

Hugs!!!

What an asshat thing for him to say.

Jeez, that is all about him, not you. How rude and nasty.

I assume he is with OW? Seems he is deep in the fog.

My ex behaved appallingly during our marriage but he is coming over to watch the present opening. We are on a shared parenting plan so we negotiate everything. I think it was perfectly reasonable for you to ask him.

Keep that note.

Omg soooo mean! I'm so sorry! You did the right thing though.

Sorry he's immature and selfish, if that's the way he is you are probably going to be a happier parent celebrating with your wonderful DDs alone, anyway.
I'd reply something like "I was more interested in your DDs enjoying your company than me, but point noted, I won't offer again."

((Ruby & lil ones))

well I found out why...
He and the OW are taking a 4000.00 trip to Mexico for Christmas, I hope Montezuma gets a little revenge for me! Just do not know who he is anymore.

Ruby please please please maintain NC status with this clown as much as possible.

Doing a family Chrismas with him, even if he were willing would be painful and difficult, and no fun for anyone. As painful as it is, you will be much better off if you can accept that he does not care, and you are better off focusing on your and the kiddos happiness.

Yah, I hope he gets drunk and forgets where he is and drinks from the shower, or the faucet, and ends up in the hospital!!!

No contact means no contact. Took me a long time to figure that one out. Pretending for the kids in my opinion is worse . But I do understand the intent and I am sorry