SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

I'm having a rough time right now. I'm really struggling with the upcoming holidays and single parenting. The Gnat had the kids all weekend and it felt extra empty and lonely without them.

Dd had told me that the Gnat and Hello Kitty were going to put up a real tree this weekend to decorate with them. I put up my artificial tree (yes he was trying to upstage me) and waited for the kids to come home to decorate it. Dd came running in the door tonight to tell me all about their tree and their matchy matchy ornaments (I have hodgepodge of old family ornaments and kid craft ornaments). I was glad she had fun, but it stung to hear them playing family together.

So we are decorating our tree and DD says "Mommy, I'm so glad to be home with you and getting to decorate MY tree. I had fun today, but you're more fun. They're kind of like teenagers. LOL! I really have no idea what she was referring to, but I was laughing inside. I just hugged her and said I was glad to have her and DS home too. I'm so glad that she knows her real home is with me.

[This message edited by newlysingle at 9:56 PM, December 8th (Sunday)]

(I have hodgepodge of old family ornaments and kid craft ornaments)

Perfect. Much more homey and comforting. Your DD's words prove that. Artificial trees are much safer/saner. I have a very handsome one myself.

-t2g

I hear you. My X asked me for his decorations. We had a tradition of each person buying a Xmas ornament each year. My x asked for his decorations. I pulled out his decorations and a decoration of our first year together put them in a bag andm placed them outside in the garage for him to retrieve.

He bought a tree.this weekend and they each bought a christmas ornament. When he puts his ornaments on the tree it will be all about him. I hope he can see what a selfish asshole he really is. He only has custody on Wednesdays and a short time for Xmas Eve.or day.

Thankfully my parents are here and we bought a tree next day and a blow up Santa for our yard.

My xWH took the Christmas decorations. 3 Christmas' ago I had to start over with literally nothing. I bought a fake tree and my parents donated a tom of lights and ornaments. I was so sad to have lost years of keepsakes. When I opened the box my mom gave me, there were ornaments I recognized from my childhood. That Christmas my kids learned more about me and my growing up and I still have some history on my tree. A hodgepodge of ornaments and some new that we have made in order to commemorate our new traditions. What matters most is my kids are okay with it all and so am I.

Your DD has a good grasp on the situation. She knows where and who her home is.

[This message edited by IrishLass518 at 7:34 AM, December 9th (Monday)]

I'm so glad that she knows her real home is with me

.That's priceless. Your daughter recognizes that "home" is where the heart is. When my children were little and would be excited about something they did with their dad (not WXH) I would try to be all nonplussed about it and just say, "that sounds like fun" and "I'm glad you had a good time" with a smile in my voice. He was good for doing things over the top, a trip to Europe? Yes! Lots of expensive Christmas presents? Yes! I'd try not to be jealous or envious of the time they spent with him or the things they got to do with him, even when it hurt me. My job was to be their "home"--he could be their Disneyland sparkly dad, I was "home".

Now that they are 25 and 21 they have difficult relationships with their dad because he never understood that it was really about them...and they now can see him for who he really is...