I think I hit a nerve when I told him that neither of his two DS's asked about him or even referred to him once for the two days he was gone (his boys are his world).
Now I'm feeling really very 'blue'. He's withdraw completely from me into almost a trace like state and I understand that he could be sad because he has now been given an ultimatum but why do I feel so awful? I certainly don't regret the things I said but I'm feeling so 'empty'. I don't understand? Surely I should feel some sort of release? Anyone got an idea why I'm feeling like this?
'If you come into my life, the door is open; If you leave my life, the door is open; Just one request, don'
She supposedly left early after the Christmas dinner but they met to have breakfast the following morning. ....
How do you know this?
You might just be sad because you have given him a choice and it doesn't appear he is jumping to choose your marriage...
I really do not understand why he went to this Christmas party, why he went alone, why he stayed overnight....and WHY you didn't have his shit in hefty bags when he got home.
My gut says this is a PA, I don't believe it's at the EA level.
At the very least it's disturbing the way he walks on you and your family. A committed, married man does not act like this.
He is throwing away his family for some friend and book discussions?
I Call Bullshit.
[This message edited by karmahappens at 8:53 AM, December 9th (Monday)]
As gently as possible, it seems like you've been tolerating an open marriage since April.
You may be feeling awful and empty because your husband is having a full blown affair. If you continue to face that fact, you will start to feel stronger.
His withdrawal when you put your foot down is hurtful. But he really withdrew from you in April when he started pouring his energy into another woman. Get mad and withdraw from him! Read about the 180. As you implement it, your self-respect will start to recover.
I hope your ultimatum was "No Contact" with OW, or he moves out. I would see a lawyer ASAP.
I am so sorry that your husband won't stop cheating. You can't control him, but you can control what you do.
Anyone got an idea why I'm feeling like this?
He is killing you from the inside out.
Stop assuming that you know how he's feeling. You *think* you hit a nerve and now he *could* be sad.
My bet? Neither one of those things is happening. He's thinking "I'm fucked"....because he has blown up his world. He is cheating on you right now, so unfortunately, you CANNOT believe that he is thinking in ANY manner other than a completely and totally selfish one.
So you gave him an ultimatum.....and he's still there.....and you have no answer. That is why you don't feel any *release*, IMO. Nothing was accomplished.
You have been picking at this guy for long enough to *do the right thing*....and he just carries on with his breakfast, lunch, dinners, Xmas parties, whatever..... He didn't even know where the hell you and his supposedly-beloved kids were for 2 fricking days and he couldn't be bothered to contact you? Seriously???
It is time to go all Fuck.This.Guy on him.
Find your anger, Shocked. He is treating you like crap.
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.