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Help! Gift for my son's ex-girlfriend?

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jemimapd posted 12/9/2013 08:34 AM

My 23-year old son just split from his girlfriend ths weekend. They knew each other in HS and dated for 4 years in college and after they graduated. He dumped her. She wanted marriage etc, he didn't. She is lovely. I like her so much and we live in the same town.

No chance of them getting back together, he has known this for a while. He wants to travel, have some freedom, date other people. They are each other's first serious relationship.

She is very upset. Absolutely devastated.

So, in the past I have got her a $50 gift card and a gift for Christmas. Her family are very generous to my son also. I don't want to just ignore her for Christmas.

What can I get her that shows I am thinking of her? Something smaller? I feel the $50 gift card is a bit over the top or should I just go ahead with that as it is so close to Christmas? I have a feeling her family won't be getting my son anything......

Sad in AZ posted 12/9/2013 08:47 AM

If anything, I would just send her a card. I don't think it's a good idea to hang on to her. It will very possibly give her delusions that the relationship with your son could start up again.

This is one of those times when you need to let go...

jemimapd posted 12/9/2013 08:49 AM

Do you think I could be co-dependent?

Undefinabl3 posted 12/9/2013 09:18 AM

Do you think I could be co-dependent?

Without knowing your relationship to her, my first thought would actually be no. You liked her and she has been apart of your life for a number of years. Turning something off just-like-that may not be as easy to do as we all think.

If you feel you must have some sort of contact, just a card, otherwise, I would probably not do anything. The relationship was not yours it was son's and he is no longer invested in it.

EvenKeel posted 12/9/2013 11:21 AM

I see nothing wrong with you getting her a little something. Four years is a long time, I am sure she was integrated as part of your family.

I would not do your standard (ie $50 and gift). I would just do something small with a note to let her know you are thinking about her over the holidays. Maybe a charm?

I have a feeling her family won't be getting my son anything......

I don't think this really has any bearing - sounds like it is just something you WANT to do. Go with your heart as long as it is not hurting anyone (ie your DS doesn't care, etc).

jemimapd posted 12/9/2013 12:20 PM

Thanks for all the responses. She was integrated, came to family reunions and my DD loves her. So I'm thinking a card and if I see something appropriate I would get it.

I will see her again because I live in a small town.

I have always stayed in touch with people. I still send a Christmas card to my college boyfriend's parents! They send one back and they came to my 40th Birthday. They are lovely people, they were like parents to me. I havent spoken to him for 25 years.

So I tend to naturally stay in touch but I do realize that this is not my relationship to manage. My son actually asked me to check up on her. We texted last night.

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