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Submerged (original poster new member #18275) posted at 10:20 PM on Monday, December 9th, 2013
Today is D-Day plus 6 years. Just really struggling today. She has no idea why and I won't share. I stayed for the kids; she stayed because of her "religious beliefs". She did next to nothing in the way of apologizing or trying to reconcile. By her actions afterwards, she made it clear she just wanted both of us to forget about it; just move on and try to pretend it didn't happen. I've had my ups and downs over the years, not sure why today is hitting me this way. Does this sh*t EVER end? 
Those who are faithless know the pleasures of love; it is the faithful who know love's tragedies. -- Oscar Wilde
Me: BH (56)
Her: WS (48)
D-Day: 12/9/07
Married: 10 years
2 children: son - 8; daughter - 5
lieshurt ( member #14003) posted at 10:24 PM on Monday, December 9th, 2013
No one changes unless they want to. Not if you beg them. Not if you shame them. Not if you use reason, emotion, or tough love. There is only one thing that makes someone change: their own realization that they need to.
Cabot ( member #41485) posted at 10:24 PM on Monday, December 9th, 2013
So her religious beleifs weren't strong enough to stop her from having the A or appoligizing for itbut they were to stay married?
Lovedyoumore ( member #35593) posted at 10:30 PM on Monday, December 9th, 2013
Church related betrayal is horrible. I will never look at organized denominational church the same way again. (OW was a minister's daughter with her ownMdiv and a history of youth ministry)
Then, add family betrayal? That is low and adds a layer of yuck.
You have unresolved pain and your WS has trivialized her betrayal by pushing it aside. You have my thoughts.
Me 50's
WH 50's
Married 30+ years
2 young adult children
OW single 20 years younger
Together trying to R
Freedom's just another word for nothin' left to lose
wontdefineme ( member #31421) posted at 10:31 PM on Monday, December 9th, 2013
The first time for me as the BS, I was just there for the kids, for the family, I didn't want another woman raising my kids. We had another child, moved, made another life. He would never tell me what really happened, never remorseful.
Fast forward 15 years, he had another "relationship" that I found. Who knows how many more as he traveled. If they don't own their stuff, and they don't figure it out, religion or not, cheaters cheat and liars lie because they are selfish and it's about filling a hole in their soul!
Sorry for your pain, it took me years to get over the first possible affair with our daughter's birthday being the day he asked for divorce the first time around.
As far as not talking about it, lived that too! His way of not having to deal with the fallout and consequences of doing something he shouldn't have.
Cabot ( member #41485) posted at 10:38 PM on Monday, December 9th, 2013
I am still new to this but I don't think I could stay together just for the kids. I didn't cause this and I won't fake happiness in front of my kids forever I feel that could be more damaging then getting a D and finding real happiness. Im still working towards R and the kids are a factor but my happiness is also a factor.
As for how long it will hurt for I think it will always hurt as long as you are just putting on a show for the kids.
Kalliopeia ( member #35053) posted at 10:50 PM on Monday, December 9th, 2013
It never really heals until it is acknowledged and dealt with. It's like you end up invisible to them and if you force yourself to accept their decree, then you become invisible to yourself.
You do exist. You have a right to feel exactly as you do.
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