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plainpain posted 12/9/2013 16:36 PM

I'm bracing myself for the reality that our kids will have to find out some of the details of my H's AP, since she's pregnant. The OW is only five years older than our oldest daughter.

I can tell that it hasn't occurred to her that the OW is as young as she is, and I am concerned that she is going to be bothered by it. She has friends as old as the OW. Not sure what to do about it, and I guess it's really between her father and her, anyway. My H says that the sin is the same, whether she was 21 or 100. I think our daughter may have some issues because of it.

Anyone have experience with this? Did the age of your spouses AP have an impact on your children, and their relationship with the WS?

SoVerySadNow posted 12/9/2013 16:43 PM

My WH's father left his marriage for a very young AP- a couple years older than WH. It did bother him that his father was carrying on with someone that was of sibling age. He never adjusted, and there were additional FOO issues created. FIL divorced MIL and married the AP, who then cheated on him and left him for her next AP.
Yeah, it was a three ring circus of dysfunction. He resents what his father did to this day, and the man has been dead for years.

StillLivin posted 12/9/2013 17:06 PM

My STBWXH's mother had an A with a man that was the same age as STBWXH.
He was disgusted and ashamed of her.
He left me for a woman only 2.5 years older than the oldest DSS.
DSS 23 is absolutely disgusted with his father and her and cannot even bring him up in conversation.
His AP is dumber than a box of rocks and both DSSs are highly intelligent and have always been intellectuals to boot.
I have a feeling she is going to have some major respect issues with the boys.

plainpain posted 12/9/2013 19:44 PM

I feel broken hearted for both my daughter and for my husband. I know he did not think about THIS. He did not think about any of the very real, very painful consequences for any his children. They have such a close relationship, and I just know she is going to be completely disgusted at him when she finds out. She will do exactly like I did - second guess every time he ever chatted with one of her friends. Suddenly everything will be through that new filter, and the whole narrative will be changed. I'm so mad at him for that. He gave my kids FOO issues.

plainpain posted 12/11/2013 21:50 PM

Just listened to a conversation at the dinner table between my H and our 16 year old daughter. She was asking to go to a friend's for night - the friend lives with her father. We've never met him, and for some reason my H decides to give her a cautionary heads up about how a lot of men over the age of forty are attracted to young women. She looked at him like he had just said the most disgusting thing in the history of the world. Pretty much.

That's because our daughter does not, yet, have 'daddy issues'. I guess we'll see how this plays out.

Gotta say, if I knew my dad had knocked up a woman five years older than me, I would probably vomit.

Kajem posted 12/11/2013 23:29 PM

XSO was having an EA with someone 5 years older than my DD, while he was giving DD a hard time that her BF was 4 years older than her. XSO was 53, OW was 26, when he left.

He kept a relationship going with the kids, they each have said that they don't think they will keep the relationship going. I'm thinking something has changed.... Whatever, I have enough to worry about.

Hugs,
K