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Has the A effected every facet of your life?

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Undone1 posted 12/9/2013 22:41 PM

Today my fWH and I had a discussion about our will, life insurance, and inheritance for our children. Prior to finding out about my H's long term affair, I had blind trust in my H. But, since Oct. 27, 2012, all of that changed. Despite the fact that he has been the model of the perfect recovering WH, I still am amazed about the effect the A has on every facet of our lives. In thinking about our life insurance, I was thinking about how I don't trust him to do the right thing with my daughters (his step daughters) should I per-decease him and that I need to continue to protect their best interests. It makes me sad that I can't fully trust him. I have to admit that I liked the blind trust, knowing that he would make the right decisions for all of us. I thought he had the best character of anyone I knew, and now I know that is not true.

The A effects every part of our lives. Have others been surprised about how the A has effected your life in ways you would not have anticipated?

dameia posted 12/9/2013 23:00 PM

The A has truly affected every part of my life, but I'm not surprised that it has. It devastating and that is bound to trickle through every aspect of your life.

I actually think its good not to have blind trust in anyone. My mother has always been that way. She has often told me that when she dies she doesn't want me putting my inheritance in a joint account "just in case". And she doesn't even know about the As!

If you're worried about him doing right by your daughters, then by all means make provisions in your will for them!

Lovedyoumore posted 12/9/2013 23:04 PM

We have been married over 30 years. My whole outlook on our empty nest years, grand parenting, retirement, leisure time, vacations, our past, our future, our children, every single important event, has been changed. I no longer have the same light feelings about the future. Our "mature" years are tainted by his juvenile year of selfishness and lack of control. He may have his reasons, but they will never explain away the mess he made of our lives.

sad34 posted 12/9/2013 23:13 PM

Yep!! Every facet. A lot because almost every conversation has a trigger. And I use to think he had ethics. So everything has changed. It's just awful:(

somanyyears posted 12/9/2013 23:56 PM

..the sadness that just will not go away

..the deep sorrow for a life lived under a lie

..the loss of peace of mind


rachelc posted 12/10/2013 05:56 AM

yes, time with my children I catch myself in deep thought, time with our couples friends I wonder who will get the couple if we split. I AM able to enjoy myself more and more though.
Every time I shop, go to restaurants, movies, I wonder if I will run into the OW.

struggling16 posted 12/10/2013 08:16 AM

Yes. It has tainted everything, and I mean EVERYTHING.

5674emt posted 12/10/2013 08:49 AM

One year later, still on the roller coaster. Great one day, crying puddle of mush in 1 minute flat. Sad that the one that had all of the faith you could give, throws it away. Every subject is seen through the A glasses.

devasted30 posted 12/10/2013 08:55 AM


RipsInMyChest posted 12/10/2013 09:00 AM

Yes, songs have different meanings as do movies and TV shows. When I look at other couples I wonder about infidelity. When people announce they are getting married, I wonder why they bother. Jaded.

UKlady posted 12/10/2013 09:52 AM

Yes totally and I completely understand where you are coming from specifically with reference to your financial future. Earlier this year (DDay was January 3rd) my WH and I remortgaged our home which meant revisiting life assurance and wills and, omg, it was so hard! I was shocked by my reaction as, like you, I'd previously had such trust in him and whatever the future held I only saw us together. It made me so sad and I had to tell him how I no longer felt that we were 'safe'. It was yet another thing that had been ruined in my life.... sigh...

However, perhaps it is for the best not to have the blind trust that was there before. Just be prepared for it to hit you at all times, in all places and where/when you least expect it

Still with a truly remorseful WS who is completely committed to R and healing themselves and you I do believe it is possible to get through - there are people here on SI who are testament to it!!


stunnedin12 posted 12/10/2013 11:27 AM

Every bit of it -

SoAngryAndHurt posted 12/10/2013 15:33 PM

There is not one single aspect of my life that has not been impacted. Not one.

FeelingSoMuch posted 12/10/2013 15:38 PM

Every last little part of my personal and professional lives are tainted by the A.

One of the problems we're encountering is that WW fails to recognize that everything is changed. She acts as though our home is the same (she brought OM home), my work (I haven't been able to concentrate and perform the way I used to) and so on are untouched. Says it's up to me to decide how to respond.

Yup, everything is just a sad mess.

lhhell posted 12/10/2013 15:41 PM

Yep. Most definitely. Not always in a negative way, not always in a good way.

I realized that my playlist for my running workout no longer has any love songs on it. Lots of songs about me being stronger, some good old 80s party music but not one love song. I switch the radio in the car to a different channel when a love song comes on.

BUT.... I'm also much better at telling my WH when I need or want something. I used to just keep that to myself and then be sad that I wasn't getting my needs met. Now I'm working on expressing those things. And he's completely willing to listen and do those things.

So the short answer is yes.

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