My FWH was in a 4 year LTA SA & PA. D-day was 7 months ago. R started out very shaky, to say the least.. Things are going better now. My FWH is starting to see what he did to me. Still many issues to work through. I am still angry, seething lay angry about four years of lies. I am struggling mightily with putting the pieces of that four years together as it actually was instead of what I thought it to be.
My FIL has been very ill. He, my MIL and my FWH grandmother have been living with us. Grandma has Alzheimer's. My MIL has always watched our 3 DS's while we work. During the affair my FWH worked nights all the time. Of course sometimes he lied and spent the night with OW and others when he didn't make it home until 3 or 4 hours after his shift was over he lied to his mom about where he had been.
FWH still works nights half of the month. I have a terrible time with it. It is a trigger. He is working tonight and worked and slept the entire past weekend. I am here with his parents and 3 rambunctious boys. I LOVE his parents and I am glad they are here. They are more help than bother, but they don't know. I can tell they know something is wrong with me. Maybe they think I am just a moody emotional bitch and they didn't know before because they never lived with me. This is eating away at me. I feel like I want to tell my MIL. We are very close.
One problem with this is that there is a possible OC and depending on how that situation plays out I feel like she wouldn't agree to us having NC with OW and OC. She would want to see her grandchild.... And maybe she has aright to that... IDK.
1. Should I tell?
2. If I tell, should I leave out possibility of OC until after paternity?
3. If I tell, should I tell FWH that I am going to tell MIL beforehand? After? Not at all?
No one else knows except for my SIL..Who is also my boss and was with me when I found out. She has been very supportive and agrees with NC with OC.
I am not sure How FWH feels about his parents knowing. I know it will be painful. But, why I should I deal with the pain and keep his secret locked up tight? However, I don't want to hinder the R situation either even though there are days when I am still not sure if we are going to make it.
I appreciate any insight.
OW had a baby. We do not know if my H is the father.
Together: 16 years
Kids: 3 beautiful boys. Ages: 11, 6, 3
Limbo 2 + years after dday