SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

chick posted 12/10/2013 04:58 AM

My husband had a ONS which I found out about just over 2 months ago. To cut a long story short he is very remorseful, has been doing and saying everything right, I asked all the questions I wanted to, we have been going to MC.

Only we haven't mentioned it for about 4 weeks now and I am not sure we have anything more to say about it - but it feels like that is wrong!

We had a holiday that was booked before it happened so we went on that and enjoyed spending time together and having fun. Our MC sessions have moved to focusing on general communication and not taking each other for granted.

But I just feel like after only 2 months it doesn't seem 'normal' to have it all packed away and no longer discussed, but I don't think I have anything I want to say.

Marathonwaseasy posted 12/10/2013 07:27 AM

Hi chick
I was thinking about you yesterday as someone who was around a fair bit when I first joined

Nobody can tell us how to feel so if you're really ok then you're really ok
But I would say that you should just be authentic with him and yourself and expect whatever happens which from what I'm reading could be just about anything

hobbeskat posted 12/10/2013 07:30 AM

I felt like this a few months ago- felt, "over it", like I had accepted everything, like everything was fine, didn't mention it, was happy. That didn't last. It might not be the same case with you, but enjoy how you feel right now.

chick posted 12/10/2013 07:38 AM

Thanks for the replies - nice of you to have been wondering how I was getting on marathonwaseasy - hope things are OK with you.

You're both right that although I kind of feel like it is 'dealt with' for now that won't necessarily last so I need to make sure I bring it up if I have anything I want to talk about.

Last time we had a proper chat about things was when I was still quite upset and so was he so I think we probably do need to revisit things and see how we are both feeling about the situation right now. Since our last chat things have just become more back to normal just through spending time together rather than discussions.

The only thing I kind of miss - which I feel bad about - is that power I felt immediately afterwards where he was creeping around wanting to make me dinner and cups of tea and I could get away without doing much around the house as he was so glad to show his remorsefulness! Although the reason behind it was horrible, it was nice to be made to feel like I was being taken care of where usually I would be the one preparing dinner etc.

But that kind of thing is something we are discussing in MC - we have to make time each week to discuss what is important to us and how we want the other person to show that they love us. We are supposed to have 20 minutes each per week where we can ask the other person to do something for us. Right now I just want him to sit down with me and discuss what we are buying everyone for Christmas so it isn't all left to me as usual! But will try to think of something a bit more romantic :-)

Marathonwaseasy posted 12/10/2013 07:54 AM

My fwh is helping actively with xmas for the first time ever. And I've got him to throw out some xmas stuff I wanted rid off for years so there can be unintended good consequences from all of this!

But you still have your power. He should be showing remorse and pampering you still. And the pampering and not taking you for granted should stay forever. Not because of his A but because you rock

chick posted 12/10/2013 07:59 AM

And the pampering and not taking you for granted should stay forever. Not because of his A but because you rock

Haha I love this, so true.

We are both guilty of taking each other for granted and not always prioritising each other so that is something we definitely need to work on and keep telling each other that it means a lot if the other one does something kind or something to show that they are thinking of the other.