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Shocked2believe posted 12/10/2013 06:40 AM

I'm feeling extremly blue at the moment. I do know better and know that NONE of this is my fault but I'm still struggling with this whole idea. I often look around and wonder. ..... Why me? What was wrong with me that this person whom I believed in the most has managed to destroy all I value and cherish? I know it's issues with the WS which needs to be addressed BUT as a person who always had a handle on everything I feel like my world had been utterly shaken. I'm managing with the whole issue that I may have to manage on my own (as I've pretty much been a single mother for some time now) but I'm still struggling with the person who was and what he's become! Is it perhaps the fact that I'm still in the phase of battling to let go of the person who was my husband????

Lostandpregnant posted 12/10/2013 06:44 AM

I think we all wonder what WE did, what's wrong with's easy for me to see your situation and tell you that it isn't your fault, and nothing you did could have prevented this, but it's awfully hard to believe about ourselves, isn't it?

Be gentle on yourself.

karmahappens posted 12/10/2013 06:57 AM

I'm feeling extremly blue at the moment

Your husband is carrying on an affair, in your face.

He has completely disregarded you and your feelings.

I think blue is an understatement.

I think traumatized, abused , shocked, scarred and scared, angry, hurt , broken also come to mind.

It's ok. It's alright to no be ok when the one person you have counted on has thrown you to the wolves.

Start taking care of you, talk it through in IC and begin to detach.

He is watching you bleed out on the floor.

Slowly take back your strength and yourself.

(((hugs))) it's ok to hurt, feel it.

You WILL be ok, come and talk when you need to. Most important, please take care of you right now.

stillprettyupset posted 12/10/2013 07:53 AM

Shocked, I feel your pain...and it is nothing you did to cause his cheating. None of us are perfect, but being abandoned and lied to is no just penance.

I hate to say this, but you have no control over him or his shitty decisions. It is a lesson I am learning the hard way. Control and manage what you can. There is plenty of other stuff that you can impact. Focus on those things. It may be Get out of bed and get dressed at first. Celebrate every small victory. It really does help.

TheAmazingWondertwin posted 12/10/2013 08:10 AM

I am so sorry you are feeling so low.

You do not deserve this- and yet you suffer.

I hit a very sad and low point about two months out.
It was so different from the frustration and anger and shock and pain.
It was sad.
It was grieving. My husband was dead. I was grieving for my marriage, for our life, for our love, for my memories, for my faith- for everything that was lost.
It was identical to the pain I went through when my father passed away.
Once I recognized that- I immersed myself in it for just a moment. I admitted that I would never have that again. My M and my H as I knew them were gone.
I said goodbye to them both and I wept. I didn't cry, I didn't sob, I didn't rage...
I wept, so very sadly and deeply.
Because no matter who he is now, or who he was during the A- I loved the man I married. And he was gone. And oh how I missed him. I still do- everyday. I loved him.
And he was gone. forever. I would never see him again.
So I wept.

This is so difficult and I am so sorry that you are feeling this way.
I can say that this period I grieving that I allowed myself to have, was a very big step for me.
I stopped wondering when we would get "it back" or I when we would ever "be the same."
I knew the answers. Never.

(((((Shocked))))))) I am so sorry.

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