I am so sorry you are feeling so low.
You do not deserve this- and yet you suffer.
I hit a very sad and low point about two months out.
It was so different from the frustration and anger and shock and pain.
It was sad.
It was grieving. My husband was dead. I was grieving for my marriage, for our life, for our love, for my memories, for my faith- for everything that was lost.
It was identical to the pain I went through when my father passed away.
Once I recognized that- I immersed myself in it for just a moment. I admitted that I would never have that again. My M and my H as I knew them were gone.
I said goodbye to them both and I wept. I didn't cry, I didn't sob, I didn't rage...
I wept, so very sadly and deeply.
Because no matter who he is now, or who he was during the A- I loved the man I married. And he was gone. And oh how I missed him. I still do- everyday. I loved him.
And he was gone. forever. I would never see him again.
So I wept.
This is so difficult and I am so sorry that you are feeling this way.
I can say that this period I grieving that I allowed myself to have, was a very big step for me.
I stopped wondering when we would get "it back" or I when we would ever "be the same."
I knew the answers. Never.
(((((Shocked))))))) I am so sorry.