You can't make him do anything, but I would suggest you go for IC for yourself at the very least. It will help you get through this, and will hopefully make you understand that NONE of this A crap is your fault. It is all on him.
It doesn't matter what he thinks. His judgement and decision making skills don't have a great track record at this point.
I'm sorry I'm a little negative- I'm a little bitter Betty today.
He should go because you have asked him to.
I'm so sorry.
Hugs to you. If you want this marriage, keep fighting for him to pull his head out of his ass!
You know darn good and well that he has the ability to manipulate you and your thoughts into thinking you are the bad guy, and he can fix it all. But you also know that he just empty words.
ACTIONS are where it counts in R. So he says he can fix this without a 3rd party. What has he done to show you that he is trying to do just that? Has he read any books, has he beared his soul to you to explain why he felt the need to have the attentions of another woman, or women? NO he has hasn't.
Please try to limit your communication with him for your own sanity until you really start to see major changes from him.
I hope you didn't go home. Even if you did, I hope you will do this.
Ask around, Ask Dr's, friends, for references on really great counselors for you. Someone dynamic, who will help you dig into you, to help you become a strong person who can stand up and say, bullshit, this is the way it's going to be, period. You are far too young to accept the crumbs being offered to you. You are tired, worn out, and he keeps you that way so he has no accountability.
I still think you need to book a cruise or trip, just do it, with a group to someplace exotic you've always wanted to visit, and get a new outlook on life. The kids are grown. What's holding you back? Sending my kids overseas on college trips helped them be independent, grown up's, why can't we do that too?
I think, he should pay for that trip for you, don't you? Go to Tuscany for a month, or Spain, or wherever you've always wanted to go, and have a blast! AAA has wonderful trips, all arranged, so you have nothing to do but get on the plane. Give yourself a Holiday for the Holiday! Let him fend for himself and think about his life. Personally, I wouldn't even tell him I was going, just leave.
Your H is a selfish prick. Sorry, but he is. Book a trip for heavens sake! Take your sister! Take your kids! Go alone, meet new people, Just don't take Ass Hat! And go for a month!!
Find you, she's been lost, but she's just on the surface, I can feel herů..
Always, tell the other BS! Always!
"It's hard to be in love when you can't tell lies"!
So he just waits, he knows you'll cave because you always do. You have two choices really..... stop asking him anything because you'll never get the truth or what you need from him. Or stand your ground and demand what you need and be willing to finally follow through if he doesn't give it to you. Maybe you'll get what you need at that point, maybe you won't, but either way, you'll have your answer. Any man who won't give you what you need to heal isn't worth another nano second of your time.
I can't stand that you are in limbo with one foot in and one foot out. I do hope you will find a great IC for you. I think that could change your life. You have no idea how young you really are. There is a lot of life out there, you need to find it!
XOXO Keep us posted.
Why would a h who tells me that I am the only women he ever wanted, the women he loves ... tells me he has told me the truth, not take the polygraph, not go for counseling???
There are two possibilities that I can think of.
The first is that.....he wouldn't. He is full of bull and I guess just doesn't want to upset his life.
The second is that he really believes all those things. That he really FEELS them. But that he is too lazy and/or afraid to put in the work to make it happen.
Love is a verb. Verbs are action words. And he doesn't want to take any action.
I would make counseling a requirement for R.
For him it was easier to rug sweep than face it.
Because he's scared, of what he did and what that means about who he really is.
Because he's ashamed to face his actions and thinks that he can make them go away by hiding.
Because he's afraid that, because of the magnitude of what he did, nothing he does can and nothing he does should help you forgive him.
Because he knows that polygraphs are unreliable, and so thinks they're just a shell game to make con-men money.
Because he knows someone, or has heard of someone, who dealt with a bad IC or MC, so has no faith in their ability to help with anything.
The bad reasons:
Because he's still invested in the other relationship.
Because there's more to the story and he doesn't want you to find out.
Because he's unwilling to accept full responsibility for what he's done.
Because he's still cheating.
Which it is? I can't tell you, and I know had my WW refused to go to counseling or had I felt she was trying to hide things, that I would not have put up with it.