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How will I ever be able to look at him without thinking about th

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dana1234 posted 12/10/2013 07:42 AM

I'm 10 months out and trying to R. My husband has been doing all the right things, finally being the husband I always wanted, but it's just not enough! Everything is a trigger and I'm so up and down everyday that it's emotionally and physically exhausting. We have been in MC since dday and last night during counseling I just lost it crying and yelling at him that I would never have done this to our family, how could you (this question has been asked about 300) in 10 months with no answer.

I want to feel better and move forward but just can't.... I'm hating Christmas this year, all I keep thinking about is he had an fnnnn girlfriend the past 3 Christmas's! The past 3 1/2 has been a lie! Pictures taken during that time triggers me, our vacations, holidays, weddings, anything we did was a lie! How do you forgive the one person in this world that you loved the most, trusted the most, felt 100% safe with someone that has just taken a knife to your heart. His face is the biggest trigger and just keeps the fnife deep in my heart.

Will I ever look at him again and not think of what he's done to me and our family?

somanyyears posted 12/10/2013 08:58 AM


..just to say that I hear you and know exactly what you are feeling. fWW has told me that she often feels that the mere sight of her is my biggest trigger.

..we see them now thru different eyes, they are no longer up on that pedistal and we must either accept them or leave them

..I have 'chosen' to stay for all of my own reasons. You must make that same determiation but the 'choice' still remains yours and yours alone!

..the knife she used has beenpulled out and the bleeding has stopped, ..but the knife my bf used is still in my back.

..most here will tell you that it takes a lot of time to heal these wounds.. at 4.5 years out, I tend to agree. Lots and lots of time!


sisoon posted 12/10/2013 17:33 PM

You move forward naturally, but slowly. If you try to push yourself, you'll slow yourself up.

As I approach my 3rd antiversary, I realize days go by without thinking of the A, and most of the times I think of the A, it's over in a matter of seconds.

Let your feelings flow. Give yourself time. Have faith in yourself.

industriousbee posted 12/11/2013 21:07 PM

Thanks for expressing yourself in this post. I have been wondering the same thing. My WH A went in almost a year. It would have still been happening had he not gotten caught. It may have lasted as long as yours has I not found out by chance. I feel the same way looking at photos etc. hugs to you during this difficult time of year.

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