Topic: lightbulb moment
Member # 41401
| Posted: 8:16 AM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013|
Realizing that the bowflex has been dusted off and used regularly and consistently both times WH was straying. Sign that his ego was being stroked and he was trying to impress? He stopped using it the minute the affair was revealed. Will need to work through that I think...because I can't very well deny him the right to be healthy simply because the stupid machine is a mini trigger. May need to try and make it something we do together...dunno...just a sad realization and a new danger sign to be aware of.
Posts: 130 | Registered: Nov 2013
Member # 24719
| Posted: 8:38 AM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013|
Both times, my WH did things to improve his appearance. His EA, he started taking shots for his psoriasis, after saying taking immune suppressive therapy, and risking his health, wasn't worth the vanity of his skin clearing. And a few months ago, he started using rogaine, despite making fun of my ex for using it... (Apparently, bald is my "type"
Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen
Posts: 2290 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
Member # 36654
| Posted: 10:04 AM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013|
My WH#2 did the same thing, but it was more his appearance than his health he was concerned about. He was even shaving his privates. I let him know that it is a red flag for me, so no more shaving has occured since he ended the affair. Maybe you should let him know that it is a trigger for you now.
M-10 yrs T-12 yrs
No kids together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 False R
DD#4-11/28/14 "Assault with a deadly weapon" and is now with OW
Divorce filed 1/5/15
Posts: 3816 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
Member # 28156
| Posted: 1:51 PM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013|
Yep, obsessed with his mustache. Groomed it several times at day. Bought new clothes, and underwear. Worked out. We discussed this later. He refuses to ever buy underwear now. Talks about it ,asks me to pick them out, but wears them old and holes.
Doesnt want to upset me. You didnt think EA or PA would upset me? But you refuse to buy new underwear? then maybe they are sentimental.
[This message edited by cancuncrushed at 2:04 PM, December 10th (Tuesday)]
a trigger yesterday
Posts: 1336 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: athome
Member # 24416
| Posted: 2:00 PM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013|
Same thing with my WH. He started running. Never ran a day in his life before that. He lost 30 lbs. and was very concerned about his appearance. He told me he would never run again but not because it would upset me, because he screwed up his knee.
2 year LTA-double betrayal, D-day 1-26-2009 and many months of TT.
Married 27 years. Together 29.
3 children 24, 21, 14
OW sex addict and romance addict according to MC. WH just your ordinary asshole.
Posts: 1672 | Registered: Jun 2009
Member # 39242
| Posted: 4:00 PM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013|
My H too made a comment in the throws of the PA that he was going to join the gym with me. That should have sent big flairs up for me
But I have to wonder why at times as his EA/PA is really disgusting. Out of shape. Smokes and flabby
Maybe she was to be a stepping stone
But after DD I did insist he join the gym with me. I wanted a healthy H to R with.
I am stronger than the storm.
I take every experience in my life, no matter how horrendous it was, as a learning experience
Posts: 77 | Registered: May 2013
Member # 34827
| Posted: 4:30 PM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013|
He was even shaving his privates.
This^^^^^^seems to be common amongst ws..I've seen a lot of posts on this subject. I think its really a red flag when they've never done it before after years of marriage.
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Posts: 5531 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Member # 16345
| Posted: 4:40 PM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013|
WW took up running and swimming. Lost weight. Ate healthy food. Took care of herself. All during her LTA.
Shes gained 40 pounds and doesnt take care of herself.
OM got the fun stuff.
Me? I got an overweight woman in menopause.
Seems like I got the short end of it.
Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.
Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.
Posts: 3483 | Registered: Sep 2007
Member # 36579
| Posted: 9:01 PM, December 10th (Tuesday), 2013|
WH started going to the gym 3 nights a week - nothing would stop him. He even told me 'I want to look attractive, what's wrong with that?'
He was certainly more obsessed with his looks. Started using my eyebrow pencil to color in his grey eyebrows LOL He looked ridiculous.
EA Jun-Aug 12 (OW1)FB flirting and then EA/PA with OW2 (Aug-Dec 12). New OW Jan 13, introduced her to the kids immediately.
Married 10 years, together 14yrs
2 kids (DS13 & DD8)
Separated Jan 13. Divorced Jun 14
Posts: 184 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 20940
| Posted: 1:23 AM, December 17th (Tuesday), 2013|
WH joined the gym..first time ever..during the A. I believe he also used it as cover...cheating buddy (also a gym member)probably picked him up there so WH's car remained in parking lot while they bar-hopped. He went to gym for months, but gained weight.
Oh...and the membership was my "Mother's Day" present that year. Blech!
"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live."
Posts: 389 | Registered: Sep 2008
Member # 40674
| Posted: 3:12 AM, December 17th (Tuesday), 2013|
fwh started taking care of himself in the dying throes of the A and OW didn't like it because she realised it's a whole lot harder to control a man who is beginning to think he's not a piece of shit. Sociopathic controlling slut
But hey he's continuing to work on his physique and his self esteem and he's seriously hot now so I'm going to make the most of it.
Actually me getting fit and losing weight pushed him towards the A because he felt even more that he wasn't good enough for me. WTF???
Guess I'm lucky (?) because he affaired so far down with slut that I have never felt threatened by her.
Me BS, 41
Him WS, 45
EA and PA (PA for 11 months)
3 children - 15,12,3
WS has bipolar, no excuse...
"We're not broken, just bent. We can learn to love again."
Posts: 421 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Ireland
Member # 17484
| Posted: 4:22 AM, December 17th (Tuesday), 2013|
Too bad the shallow fucks didn't groom their integrity with such care...
Posts: 7052 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Member # 41038
| Posted: 5:16 AM, December 17th (Tuesday), 2013|
Too bad the shallow fucks didn't groom their integrity with such care...
My H has always worked out and been in very good physical shape. That wasn't the issue (although all the pics he sent OW were after a few rounds of push ups or some other activity to blow those muscles up - and yes, I've laughed at him for that crap) but during the A he needed new clothes. I should have sensed something. In 14 years, he's never said he needed new clothes unless every last pair of jeans started wearing out. Beyond that, and maybe needing underwear, he's never once even thought of wanting new clothes.
I figured the OW had seen his 4 pair of shorts already, and maybe commented, and he needed new clothes for some pics for her. I know he told her about the clothes and she asked if he was modeling them. Sick.
Me? Yeah, as I said, I get the ripped out jeans. Oh well.
DDay - 12/2010
Fully R'd - I love my husband
Posts: 2246 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
Member # 40298
| Posted: 6:18 AM, December 17th (Tuesday), 2013|
My WH lost weight, too. Then came the new and different style of clothing.
He just had a dr appt and has gained 8 lbs since his last visit. Guess it's really over...
Marriage isn't a test, so why cheat?
Posts: 379 | Registered: Aug 2013
Member # 39162
| Posted: 6:44 AM, December 17th (Tuesday), 2013|
Looks like mine was in the minority here, he just let himself go. I thought he wasn't looking well as the affair continued( I didn't have a clue then). I gently told him he was putting on some weight - got ignored. It wasn't until a male friend of ours commented to me that he wasn't looking well, had become pasty-faced and overweight that I broached the subject again, maybe it helped get his head together and end the LTA, although he claims he'd already got sick of it, and it just became a habit.
I think he'd been going downhill slowly over the years, becoming introverted, antisocial, unhealthy and generally pretty miserable to live with. Trouble was, it happened so slowly I never had an 'AHAAA' moment when I might have thought something untoward was going on.
I had decided to wait until younger daughter finished college and then call quits on our marriage (still no clue but A had finished).Which I did, then agreed a few weeks into D proceedings to give us one more try. Change in him was remarkable, carried on for 7 months until d-day when we were both slightly (!) off our trollies. Now 19 months out, he's so much healthier and happier now.
So much for the benefits of an affair, it seemed to destroy him from the inside out.
Me - BW (54)
Him - fWS (61)
kiddies - daughters 22 and 27,son 22,
d-day - April 18 2012
15 years on/off LTA
R - but lots of bumps in the long road
Posts: 271 | Registered: May 2013 | From: uk
Member # 37735
| Posted: 6:46 AM, December 17th (Tuesday), 2013|
Yep, as the EA was escalating, WH went on a diet & lost a lot of weight---of course, then he had to buy new clothes. By the time it became PA,he had lost 30 lbs & he was the thinnest he had been since he was a teenager. I wondered where he was getting the willpower from----he had always been a big eater.
Being the good wife that I am, I had to shop for special food for him (it was the blood type diet) & cook him special meals-----this in addition to our 4 picky eaters, & I work (outside of the home.) It was a lot of extra work.
Since we have been in R, he has gained most of the weight back.
[This message edited by mchercheur at 6:50 AM, December 17th (Tuesday)]
Him: WH --Had 7 mo.EA/ PA with COW;
Married 20something years with kids
Trying to R
Posts: 1653 | Registered: Dec 2012
|Topic Posts: 16|