For now, you have to consider the source. He's a liar and a cheater and a coward. Of course he will never say that you had a good marriage and that you were a loving wife because then people will wonder what the hell was wrong with him. He would have to wonder what the hell is wrong with himself.
Rewriting is very common. At the very least, he has to say that it was a loveless, unhappy marriage and that you just grew apart. At the worst, he has to vilify you personally. Without rewriting history, there is no real justification for his horrible choices. It's a way for an unremorseful wayward to cope. The mind can play all sorts of tricks on itself and people can convince themselves that their lies are true if they want it bad enough.
You know the truth. And, presumably everyone who is close to you and loves you also knows the truth. Everyone else? Screw 'em.
Which is weird given that OW was my best friend for years so, presumably, thought I had some redeeming qualities and was a good person.
How I dealt with it? Anyone who would believe the lies is not someone who I care about in my life. Virtually every single person who was friends with both of us (OW) will have nothing to do with her now. They know the truth, and are appalled not only by her actions, but the ensuing smear campaign.
I know it's hard, but try to ignore it. Anyone who believes someone who had affairs (thus, is clearly adept at lying) is foolish and shouldn't be worth your angst.
She would say that she loved me and would miss me, too.
Now it keeps coming back to me that she has been telling everyone that I constantly ignored her and never showed any love or affection whatsoever.
It is amazing how much alike all of these cheaters are! I see my WW in almost every post on this site (except the one's who are interested in R.)
[This message edited by IrishLass518 at 11:38 PM, December 10th (Tuesday)]
As we came apart, she re-wrote our marriage back to before the wedding itself.
It's what they do, what they must do, to justify themselves.
Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11
Also, the Dooosh was an abused husband.
And I seem to be a Borderline Personality disordered person, according to him. Along with being a narcissist!
I wonder if I can put in requests? Maybe I can be a vampire next? That sounds so much more exciting.
[This message edited by PurpleRose at 8:09 PM, December 10th (Tuesday)]
XWH: The marriage was really bad for a long time.
Co-worker: Really? Then if the marriage was so bad, why did you just adopt a newborn baby?
XWH: I thought a baby would help the bad marriage.
Co-worker wasn't buying it.